Whirlwind

31

[Riley]

Are you sure that you're okay?

The mindless question was one I had been asked several times and one I now had to ask myself thanks to the scrutiny Tate had me under for only God knows how long now. Did it look like I was okay? Alright? In my right mind? Hell no. I was lost somewhere in lala-land, unable to process what exactly was happening at the moment, and almost everything in my vision was a distortion of images and colors while every sound echoing around me was muffled. My thoughts were twisted in a maze, suffocating the other the more they had the nerve to form themselves and dare me to overthink.

Nothing about me was present. Though I was physically existing, my rationale was missing and my emotions were singlehandedly compiling themselves into a cluster of shit. Nothing was functioning normally, and once a sudden flush of heat consumed my body I was reminded of what this all was. After countless weeks of living without that heavy feeling in my chest, that tightening in my throat and just simply being relieved of the idea that I had no control over my life, I almost forgot what anxiety felt like. I almost forgot what it felt like to worry and not have the will power to cease it; all due to something that was completely out of my control. Every second reality tried to set in and my brain blocked it's attempt, I found myself losing it.

I was so far gone.

The only thing a part of my body that had some sense of direction were my feet. They were pulling me in and out the bathroom, from my closet to my dresser and every other place I assumed I needed to be. I had showered not even realizing I was in there longer than usual, probably trying to drown myself out of this current state into another, and now I was yanking out an assortment of sweatpants, t-shirts and somehow pajamas got into the mix. I wasn't sure what I was looking for or why I hadn't already robed myself in one of the other dozens of clothing scattered on the floor and made my way out of the front door. I should've ran out of here the moment my phone rang and I found myself hopping off of Tate's lap. Instead I was literally moving in a circle, back and forth, around and around until my body started to faint itself.

"Riley?"

"What?!" I yelled, immediately regretting my tone the instant it slipped from my lips. "I'm sorry, I-I'm just really...I'm just real—"

"I know." Tate cut in as I angrily tossed the pair of shorts in my hand aside and leaned over onto the dresser top. The minute he gave for me to merely breathe along with the soft touch of his hand on my lower back was helping soothe me, but temporarily of course. I was bound to panic at a minimum of twice before this night was over and morning was here; I couldn't doubt that. 

"How about you just relax, alright? Then we can get you in those black pants laying across your bed, I'll grab a hoodie from your closet and some of those funny looking boots you wear to the store sometime. How does that sound?"

"Are you referring to my UGGs?" I questioned, peering up at him from the corner of my eye, making it the second action out of many tonight I would regret doing. That quick glance had awakened a dizzy spell that tag teamed my senses along with these other symptoms I was once so used to.

"Is that what they're called?"

"Yes," I replied, chuckling faintly to myself as my eye lids shut firmly. "I just need a minute. I just, I need to know that he's okay. He is okay, right? He is okay."

"Riley, calm down. I'm sure your cousin is fine." Right, Damon...my cousin.

"Who the hell are we fooling? I mean if he were fine he wouldn't be inside an emergency room at...what even is the fucking time?" With the raise of my voice, Tate's hand immediately slid from my back and I assumed he was now searching for an answer that would settle this mounting cloud of tension. Especially since it would prompt an argument between the two of us if he didn't. With some inhaling and a few exhales out, I was able to slowly open my eyes and see a clearer view of the walls and rest of the room that was previously a blur. By then Tate's effort fused with mine was doing some justice, but just like before not enough.