18 » Narry AU

E L E V E N // Everything I Didn't Say

I'm not proud of what I do afterwards. After Louis leaves and bids me a goodbye, I quickly pack an overnight bag and leave. I didn't need a car, plus I didn't want to make noise since technically Zayn was my neighbor. I just walked off out into the night and kept my wits about me.

About 20 minutes into the walk, I got a call from Liam which I ignored. He later texted me that Louis had left his phone at my place, so if I was still up, to not freak out of the door being suddenly opening. But that's not what concerned me, Louis would realize that I wasn't there and probably send a search party.

I had to get away from the proximity of the town if I had any hope of getting away. I started a slow jog, taking side streets and back alleys to remain hidden from the cars passing by. By that time, I had received many calls from Louis, asking where I was and if I was going to do something stupid.

Not necessarily, I had thought about it and to me, myself and I, I believed that this was the next best thing besides going insane. The street signs began to become unfamiliar, and I started to lose exactly where I was, but I knew that I was going the right way. Always to the west, the line ran in my head as I trekked on.

I pass by a clearing where my mother and Robin got married, those happy memories flashed by in my head and I smiled. I remembered how Niall was my date and he faithfully walked me down the aisle before taking a seat since I was the best man.

The wedding reception was beautiful and magical, I was so happy for my mother for finding love again and meeting Robin. He was exactly what she needed and he wasn't that bad even though it took both Gemma and I a long time to get used to him being around the house.

I remember Niall telling me that he was jealous that my family was complete again, even though we both knew my mother deserved it. And that was why I was headed the way that I was.

I needed unbiased advice and believe it or not, my biological father was the place to go. My mother always told me that he lived out of town, in a shack down a dirt road. I knew it was true, he had lost his job multiple times and always came crawling back to my mother, but she never gave into his pleads.

If my kind sweet mother wouldn't associate herself with him, even I as a little boy knew he had done some bad things to our family. But he was my father and there was underlying love for the man who helped bring me into the world.

Gemma calls me an idiot for keeping in touch with him. And in some way I guess that I am. For having false hope for something that was never going to happen. But that's just me, always having hope for the unknown.

I stop by a park bench, cringing as I realize it's the same bench where I sat down next to Niall all those years ago. The memories, good and bad flood back and I choke back a sob. I pull out a notebook, one that Niall gave me as a birthday present some years ago and begin writing.

Dear Niall,

I can't believe it has come to this, I couldn't contact you whatsoever and Zayn isn't telling me what you meant any time soon but I miss you. A lot. And it's not just the friend missing type of thing, I feel there is a piece of me that's missing. There is a hole that's in my heart where you should be but you're not there. You're not here. And I hate myself for that. I hope you're doing well, and if you find something you like over at America, just give me a fair warning alright? It's bad enough that the boy I'm in love with is halfway across the world but the last thing I want to hear is that you've got a girl while I'm here alone. So if that does happen, I would much rather hear it from you.