c r a c k (BNHA chat fic) |Under New Ownership|

...can i rant? |Not a chapter|

Ok please just.. Let me rant. You don't have to care about this chapter or anything I just need to rant about some stuff.

So I have this friend who I'll call... W for now. Keep their identity safe. Now W has an awful home life and has DDI, PTSD, depression, anxiety, gender identity confusion... and so on. We've been friends since first grade, but during my forth and fifth years, I was at different schools. We met again in sixth, our whole squad (minus S, who moved a while ago and we never really saw or heard from again...). In our younger years, W was... a different kind of friend. Some days they would practically beg me to sit with them and every other day, they wanted nothing to do with me. Well, one day, S and W were sitting together and told me to sit with them. I happily did so. They soon pulled out puppets and, being the little kid I was, I asked to play, too. They laughed in my face and called me 'stupid' or 'an idiot' until I started crying and got up to tell the bus driver. They quickly pulled me back down and starting saying, very quickly, that I could play with the toys as long as I wanted. In 7th grade choir, all was... well? You see, at this time, my father had left and I was pretty good at hiding my emotions. Happy face, smile, smile, smile, smile. No other emotions. Happy, happy, happy. Inside, however, I was insecure about everything, especially my singing. Another thing is, I believe everyone hates me and that's that. Now, W sits next to me in choir. That day we were working on a song I wasn't quite familiar with (none of us were, we just started working on it a few days ago) and so I was singing with the others, very quietly and probably on the wrong note as I was trying to listen from it, when W turns to me and tells me: "If you aren't even going to try, just drop out of choir. I'm tired of listening to you sing off key." I tried telling them that I was trying, but they kept telling me that I wasn't trying hard enough. That broke me. I started crying, just a few tears, I hate showing my emotions in public. But inside, something broke. R was telling them that she had went to far and that what she said wasn't okay. I hate people standing up for me. It makes me feel weak and useless. A problem that needs to be fixed. Besides, what they said was true, why does someone need to stand up for me? I would have stepped in, told R that she didn't need to do that, but I was afraid that if I talked, I would only cry harder. My choir teacher offered to talk to me, but I said that I was fine (he was out of the room when the incident happened). By lunch, everyone acted like it didn't happen. So, I cried myself to sleep a few nights in a row, maybe had a mental breakdown, big deal, y'know? It's whatever. Well one day (no where near this incident) I said something self-deprecating and... suicidal. W told me that I needed to stop being emotionally manipulative. We argued and, surprisingly, our friends had MY back, not theirs! Usually W had all the support but... it was different. Yeah, another breakdown. Just when I was starting to feel like I could vent to my friends about my emotions, I had to bottle them all up again.

So for now, I'm the happy one. The pure one (HAH). The therapist. The smart one (god I hate that, makes me feel like all I am is a grade...). I'm never going to be anything more to them.

Now, for a rant about B.

I met B in the fifth grade. We had a lot of the same interests and we became very good friends. Well, one day, L comes along. L was a new student, so I befriended her. We did a lot of stuff together and B got jealous. B tried to tear me apart. Turn L on me so that B could have me for herself. I confront her about it. Blah blah blah guidance counselor blah blah blah meeting in the middle blah pointless argument blah blah blah... cut to 6th grade. L has found new friends and refuses to talk to me. B and I had a huge fight over the summer (her mom called my mom a bad mom [completely not true, my mom's the best] and B called me a bully) so I was alone. I met new friends and eventually had an on and off friendship with B. 7th grade she tries to turn my friends against me, drama queen, blah blah blah. Yeah so we made up this year and shes my girlfriend now✨✨✨✨yay!

Anyways, thanks for reading even if you didn't have to and if you didn't, it's okay. I really do love you all. Bye~