Short Stories

I'm Sorry Ma'am

Trigger Warninggg

My head spun and I felt like throwing up. The nurse approached me and I shot up a bit too fast, the room tilted about me and my vision blacked out for a moment. I held the table as the nurse talked. It sounded so far away.

"You got him here just in time. Any later and.." I looked away and wiped my face. "Weve been able to dress the wounds..." she listed some stuff that I understood- or would have in another situation but at the time only one part of what she had to say made it to me from across the ocean where they seemed to come from. "Hes going to be okay."

I let out a breath and tears dripped from my face. "Wh-what room?" it was the first thing Id said since my shaky and frantic explanation to the doctors. 

"221..but you cant- Ma'am please-!" I could hear the nurse clicking after me but my house shoes were faster. 

I made a beeline to the room but a nurse outside the door stopped me. "Im sorry but only close family are allowed in here." I shook and tried to explain but no words came out. 

I heard a voice from the room speak up. It hurt how weak it sounded. "She is close family...Im gonna marry her..."

I felt sick as the nurse slowly let me in. The moment there was enough room for me to push my way in, I did. I fell beside the bed and looked at the source of the voice. Id never seen him like this. He was paler than usual, his hair was a mess, his eyes where so dull, and he wasnt smiling. I could feel my heart shatter. 

"I-I found what-what you wrote," I stammered out. He looked guilty and I put my hand on top of his. "I'm sorry I wasnt here...Im so sorry..." He watched me and slipped his hand out from under mine and moved my hair back. All this time waiting, I was terrified two things would happen, the damage was irreparable and Id be tending the garden at home alone or hed hate me for calling an ambulance. 

I broke. I cried so hard it hurt. I laid my head on the bed as I sat beside it and he wiped my tears away but there were always more to replace it. Like a hydra. Hydro. Water. Tears. Scattered thoughts flew about my mind like butterflies or a hive of bees. His horse voice told me not to cry and apologized softly. Images of his limp, bleeding body on the bathroom floor, the red and blue flashing lights of the ambulance, the sirens, my own shouting, the papers dotted with tears, words from the page hed left...they swirled about my head as my own body shook with sobs. He eventually fell asleep and I was told I had to leave, that I shouldnt have been let in in the first place. I didnt want to leave him. I watched the blankets covering him shift up and down as he breathed. Keep breathing. The bandaged hand lay on the side of the bed where my head had been. My tears had left a dark puddle on the white sheets. 

I sat at home and decided against eating anything. Id either get sick or eat too much from stress and get sick then. I couldnt sleep in the room so I sat on the couch, staring at the black TV screen until my friend came over and I collapsed. I did sleep that night but I couldnt rest. 

It was a while before he came back home and our friend had stayed that day after staying with me for so long. We ate and our friend left after checking on us. 

"How are you feeling?" I asked quietly and sat down on the edge of our bed. He shrugged and I looked down. "Thats better," I tried. He leaned against me and I looked at him before kissing the top of his head. He sat up and watched my face. I slowly took his arms and he watched, letting me. I kissed both his wrists, careful not to hurt him. I watched as his eyes started watering and he pulled me close. We stayed that way for a while, him holding me carefully and me holding onto his neck, fidgeting with the ends of his hair. He pulled back finally and kissed my forehead. We laid down on top of the covers for a while. I made sure he fell asleep before me. All Ive done since he went to the hospital was sit in his room, sleep, cry, and stuff my face with whatever food I didnt have to make myself. I watched him for a while, anytime his chest stopped moving my stomach would drop but itd always keep going. I eventually fell asleep too and for the first time in a while, I slept well.