Intimacy in the Vines ( Mature )

Season 4: Episode 5

There are different kinds of fucked up, and I was currently in the worse kind of fuck up. My mind was racing, was this a dream? How did Gene find out?
I just stood there looking at her with a blank face.
"Are you going to at least tell me the truth?"
My heart sank. I felt a deep pain in my chest, something I'd never felt before. I found it hard to breath, it almost felt like a heart attack, but I couldn't say cause I've never had one.
I didn't know how to slither my way out of this one. And the truth was Gene knew me too well, if I lied she'd know.
I opened my mouth to talk but words didn't come out.
I saw a tear roll down her cheek and I stretched out my hand to wipe it.
Out of nowhere I just fell on my knees and told her everything, she started crying, but she didn't leave,
I told her I was sorry and that I didn't know what had come over me, but those words hold little weight now don't they? Those are the same words every cheater spits out when caught. People had been watching the spectacle from a distance and taught I had proposed to Gene, they were cheering and coming in our direction. It was at that moment Gene took off, she took me by surprise so I could hardly keep up, and the crowd was too tight, I lost her.
But I knew exactly where we'd parked and I knew the driver wouldn't be waiting in the car so there was a good chance of me making it.
I felt pain in my chest and it wouldn't just go away. When I got to the car, she was there making a phone call and like I said the driver was not there, I'm sure she was calling the driver. I went to her and tried to to talk to her but she pushed me away.
I've never felt that way in my life. And I didn't even realize I was crying. I told her I lost it at that moment and I begged her. She kissed me and I felt a bit of relief. Then she told me it was over between us, but we could still be friends, I was frozen, at that moment her driver arrived and she just left like that.
I was still frozen solid as the tears just flowed.
People who'd been in the car park came over to console me but I didn't want anybody near me, I just wanted Gene. I left at that exact moment.
I kept trying to reach Gene but she was not picking up, I typed paragraphs upon paragraphs which she didn't even read.
I was desperate and I don't even know how to express that feeling in words.
It was 5:00AM and I was still trying to reach her.
I was so frustrated I called her sister, I didn't even wait for her to ask who was calling before I told her everything that had happened and I was still crying btw but not too much.
She'd just woke up and it took her some time to process everything. She told me I'd really messed up bad and it was going to be hard to fix, but I should get to the house as soon as possible. She was not there herself but she knew her sister and things like this made her do crazy things, like leaving the country without telling anyone and going to Germany to be with her Aunt ( She'd done that before btw).
I literally jumped out of my bed and within the next 10 minutes I was in a uber racing to Adenta.
Everyone in the house knew me so I got through security like I was entering my own house, I went straight to her room, before entering I waited outside a bit trying to compose myself. Then I knocked twice and entered. She was asleep, but I realized she'd cried herself to sleep cause the sheets was still kinda wet around her head.
I knew I was the last person she wanted to see, but she was the only one I wanted to see. I sat by her and watched her sleep for 3 hours whilst I tried to make up scenarios to fix the problem.
She was so startled when she woke up she nearly screamed. Everything I'd planned to say just melted like ice in my head.
She calmed down and told me she couldn't forgive me without me suffering for it. She later said she didn't see us coming back together but she'd love me as a friend. I did all the apologizing that was humanly possible but I left her house feeling more broken than I had entered.
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Weeks turned into months and she was still avoiding me, I was going crazy. Her sister kept telling me not to give up and I had no intention of doing so. You'll never know the pain of rejection until you've been rejected. When you love someone like crazy but you are the same person messing things up. You're your own enemy.
The pain starts in the chest and resonates through your whole body. You can't sleep, you can't learn and everything around you pisses you off.
Music had always helped me, but it was doing very little at the moment. I was depressed and was in a country that didn't understand that depression in young adults was a real thing, I was in a country with people who'd ridicule me for coming out to say I was depressed, I was in a country with mental health facilities basically still in the 18th century.
I knew I needed help, but where was I going to get?
I felt so depressed I didn't value my existence( if you know what i mean)
I felt alone in the world.
I was back in school and I was definitely not ready for that, I was so antisocial people started to hate on me.
Like most people when a break up happens, I'd been stalking Gene.
I came back from a lecture had a bath and was about to go and eat when I had one of those instagram notifications, well Gene had moved on. She was with some guy and the were holding hands and all.
Something broke in me, and I got the urge to go after Adjoa and make her pay.
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