UnCertain

Confinement

The wind tickled my face as I stood by my window that I'd just opened. I breathed in the fresh oxygen that I hadn't breathed in, in a week, since I hadn't gone outside during that time. I wasn't a fan of being inside for so long; I had to get out, not just into the yard but out the gate, for a walk, to leave the six walls that cage me.

I went to the kitchen for breakfast. My aunt was sitting there looking tired. She had a permit to go to work as usual. "Your school sent you some homework". Of course they did, can't ever give me a break!! "I'll forward  the link so that you can start." she said to me, staring me in the eye because I was so quiet "Jay, you better start taking things seriously, otherwise you're going to fail. If it wasn't for luck you'd still be in grade eleven. Pull up your socks because tertiary not easy and universities don't take averages." Oh thanks for pointing that out, I'm the stupidest kid on the planet. "Maybe you think you're a star Jay, better leave being a playboy and start doing your work. Those ponytails you do for school, can only make you a model, but with the amount of weed and alcohol you take in, I doubt they're hiring." In my head she was dissing me. As annoying as she was being she was right, but my future was uncertain, I was uncertain.

"You are not stupid, you're damn lazy!" she interrupted my thought as if she could hear them. "You expecting fate to take you to varsity, just like it did to Matric? Lightning don't strike the same place twice boy." When she said that I couldn't even put my food in my mouth, I looked at her, I didn't have any words, how do you tell someone that they're right. How do you point out the fact that you don't understand what they mean without sounding sassy? She's just looking out for me. "You're my mom. I'll work harder, promise." I replied, took me a while. She wasn't convinced. "Seeing is believing."

I took my laptop and cellphone and went outside, I sat on the grass and watched the sun, it reminded me of myself: its bigger than it appears, brighter and hotter. I thought about what my aunt said, I guess I was going to have to hustle the next year, because I wasn't going to university or college and I wasn't going to sit home all day. I called a number I hadn't spoken to in weeks, and maybe a month.

"Hey" I said with slight discomfort, not knowing how the voice at the end of the call would respond. "What, you can't find porn websites?" I wasn't expecting this response but at the same time I was. Jessica was generally a nice person but she was a little tough on me. "You dumped me, remember?" I said this simply because she couldn't be mean to me because she dumped me not the other way around. "But you hurt me." Seemed like all the women in my life had a way of reading my mind. "It was rumors that broke us up and they were just rumors." She didn't only break up with me because she thought that I was uncompassionate and inconsiderate but also because of rumors around.

"You justify the things you said by saying you were high and you weren't in control. Just quite the weed! I bet sometimes you weren't even high when you talked crap about me. I can't even roll a joint, I'm a goody two shoes and maybe I've never seen a dick! That's what you said, and when I confront you, all you say is you can't remember. Just quite the weed already. Leave me alone since I'm not bad enough for you!" she shouted.

"I'm sorry, it's not that you don't deserve me, I don't deserve you, you always tolerate me. I love you, Jessica." I wasn't just saying this, I meant it. "You'll have to prove it, and regain my trust. Like I said going into the relationship, I'm looking for a commitment not just a booty call and dating to make out." Those were her last words before she hung up.

It was just a few days before school was going to open so I had time to think about what she said. We all fall in love and enter into relationships, though not knowing what we want, maybe just wanting to "have fun". Someone once said, "It's all fun and games until the girl who really loved don't even wanna hang with you anymore." I'm guessing they were right.

I do feel like Jessica had other reasons that we broke up. I thought to ask her so that she can see that I care about her feelings as well. "Jay!" my aunt called out. I went into the house, I was bored anyway and it seemed like it was about to rain. "Did you do the homework stuff from your school?" I had completely forgotten about that. "I'll do it now." I said looking at my phone. I didn't know how I was going to explain that I didn't want to go into tertiary education.

I went to my room and looked at the link she had sent me; it took me a while to complete registering. I saw my very disappointing report, but my life science wasn't as bad. It had a lot of homework, genetics and other things I was likely not to do. The door to my room opened and my aunt was looking into my soul, "I'm going to work now and you'd better do the work." She wasn't too pushy but I'd try.

It was the weekend, before the school week. My cousin Maisen texted me, "Yo dude I need 500 bucks." I'm used to him asking me for money but this was the most he'd ever asked for. I didn't have the money so I ignored him. About an hour later Madison texted me too, "Maisen is asking for money." I replied  to her and she explained that he was in trouble with a gang because he sold drugs on credit and now the gang wanted their money. I replied to him saying that I only had half and I'd been saving it for something important. He didn't care about that, and said he'd come by later that night to get it.

He should be casted on a reality show called 'World's worst teens' because he was basically a criminal, if he wasn't convicted then he would be killed, it depended on who got to him first. He was a hypocrite, telling me to quite the same drug that he was selling. His mother would be disappointed, so would mine, maybe. Aren't we all hypocrites in some way?

Maisen was meant to come at around nine but he didn't, I thought he'd been waiting for his mother so that he could use her car. We were watching a movie when my aunt received a call. "Hello." she said, "Okay, I'm coming." My aunt didn't go anywhere late night unless it was an emergency. "Maisen got shot." I already knew the reason why and we all went to his house.

"Where is he?" my aunt asked. "The police took him." I didn't care about any of that I just wanted to know if he was dead or not, but obviously I couldn't ask that. "He was shot in the hand, the police took him because he had drugs on him and a gun." Maisen's mother said, not seeming surprised. "Was it yours?" my aunt asked. This was a good question because he could be in less trouble but knowing Maisen, unlikely. "That's the problem." He would be lucky if the gun was just in the vehicle, but with Maisen, unlikely. "He's being charged with possession of drugs, luckily just a small amount and weaponry but with intent to kill or harm. I don't have the bail money, sis."

I guess we came from a family with hands of trouble. I don't know why I didn't get into so much trouble, dumb luck? "Let him feel what it's like to be in jail we'll go see him tomorrow morning." his mother looked exhausted but not very concerned, after all he was like nineteen or something I wasn't really sure. My little sister looked at me, "You're next." For a fourth grader she was very talkative, implying that I would get arrested too.

It was around half past eight in the morning and we were just waking up, I slept in Maisen's room on his bed, very comfortable, and warm. He would've been mad if he found me. There was a car outside, which was very similar to Maisen's. "The police called me, he's been bailed out." His mother said from the kitchen.

He came in and looked at his mom, "Dad bailed me out." He said in a low deep voice. He didn't even wait for her to respond as he went into his room. Him and his mom didn't always get along, because he was very troublesome. "He thinks he's a man." she said. Maisen did think he was a man, and he looked like one. He was tall and buff, he had the body of a bodybuilder, jealousy aside, he was good looking. He was very cocky and that made him a playboy. We left his house in the afternoon, I didn't get to speak to him, he spent a whole day in his room.

He called me later that day and explained that his father was the gang leader and he made sure that he was recruited. He was upset at the realization that his father wanted to make him just like himself, "I guess he got me, apple don't fall far from the tree."