UnCertain

Hectic

With my report I didn't only have to pull up my socks, I needed to pull up my sleeves and pull up my shirt and the moon and the stars. This is a little exaggerated but honestly it wasn't looking good, and what wasn't going to look good was my aunt's face when she saw it.

She wasn't going to be mad, I prayed. She'd arrived home from work. And asked me to make her coffee. I turned on the kettle and while the water was boiling I gave her my phone. "Wat is dit?" (What is this?) she asked me. "55%." she carried on, "It's your report, isn't it?". She handed me back my phone and looked to the side, she looked disappointed, wouldn't you rather have someone kill you with words rather than kill you with silence?

I went and made her coffee, my hand was shivering, shaking like I was having a nervous breakdown. It felt like when you laugh really hard then when you try to hold something your hands are too weak. My sister was looking at me in disbelief, did my aunt's silence hurt this bad? "Are you sick or something?" my big-mouthed, little sister, Zaheed asked.

Sometimes I wish she would leave me alone and let me have my peace when I'm going through stuff like this. I hurriedly put the coffee down before my aunt could see. This type of thing usually happens when I don't intake weed for a long time.

I'm glad that I didn't have to give my cousin money otherwise I wouldn't be able to get me some weed. I was sitting in my room looking up at the ceiling.

*****

It was still dark outside; I'd expected it to be lighter for five am. We were returning from a tragic holiday, deaths and sickness, there was no way to sugar coat it, generally speaking. I wasn't hoping for any attention, in fact I wanted the opposite, especially from my 'stalker' who'd unfollowed me. I give her mixed feelings, uncertain feelings. My focus wasn't on her, I just wanted to get Jessica back. I was glad she unfollowed me, this decreased the chances of her making contact?

I'm walking on the sidewalk where my aunt dropped me off. Am I glad to be back? To be walking into the gates where I am diminished? Where I am belittled, because of my inability to understand the work? Yes, I was glad to be back, because this is where the weed comes from. I go to the toilets, hoping the supplier would be standing there waiting for our return. Is Jessica at school today?

The bell rang and  it was time for assembly. Words of welcome and of wisdom. Examinations are coming up and there was not time to be goofing off. We hadn't even been around a week but I had a sense that we were going to be busy. Catching up on all the work we missed, then preparing for mid-year exams. My life was going to be hectic this semester.

My music sales were down and returning to school was going to demand a lot of energy. I wouldn't have time for promotion. I wouldn't have time for anything. With all the school work, plus I'd still have to study. My day was exhausting, the same message repeated so many times that I've lost count.