TEMPORARY RANT BOOK

last year me

the next couple of chapters aren't from recently.

as some may know, i had a rant book on a different account last year. i took it down because I felt that I was being ungrateful, coming for my family, stupid for showing weakness, and patheric for feeling the need to reveal my vulnerabilities to people I don't really know, and never have met.

but honestly i don't care anymore. i choose what and what not to reveal. if people think less of me, then it was inevitable. if I feel too bad I might unpublish again, but at the end of the day, it's all in my control.

so the next things is from early last year and was published in september. i didn't change anything from it.

The chapter was called Suicide

I DO NOT want trying to glorify taking your life TRIGGER WARNING ig dont read this at all it doesn't even make sense and I'm being stupid by posting this it'll probably get reported

It's a weird thing. I have thought about it since I was about 10.

Its freedom in a way. There is nothing certain about death but death is certain. You can have all the money in the world or you can have nothing and it doesn't matter. You die, she dies, he dies, they die, we die, I will die.

Who knows when.

Death is inescapable. So why is it a bad thing to speed up the process? Will I go to hell if I take my life? Even if my life is being drained by this hell on Earth?

Why should it be a sin to make a choice? If I cannot choose to be born why can I not choose to die? Should I rather be killed? Should I rather be wasted away by old age, or eating at by disease?

I'm sick of always feeling sad. I'm sick of it I am sick of it I am sick.

There is just nothing for me here! there is nothing there is no one, 7 billion people on this earth and only one cares.

So then am I an attention seeker? No one cares so I die so somebody will notice?

No, that's not it. If I wanted attention I would tell everybody and post it on snap or smth. Let people who know, come with their pity and sympathy.

No, I dont want that. I just want to be gone. That's all. Why is that so hard. Why is that so difficult?

Suicide is death. But so is life. So I like to say death is freedom. Freedom from work, expectation, responsibility, the body that so many of us hate.

Life is the opposite. So many things drag you down, so many liabilities. And humans are the main factor. we just dont want to see each other succeed. Judgment sculpts our society.

So I say you can die hundred times over in life. Suicide is like taking action and breaking your chains.

Right? Free?

Ugh it's so complicated.

I can go on and on.

But it is selfish of me to write suicide like it's a good thing when so many people can take this and use this as fuel to self harm and things. I shouldn't even post this.

I do not want people to hurt themselves. I do not want people to kill themselves. I do not want people to be affected like that by this book.

this is why I can't even express myself, there is always something holding me back

ykw I dont even care. just say the word and I'll delete this crap. I shouldn't complain. my life isnt bad. I'm being greedy. I'm beyond dramatic. I'm being ungrateful.