TEMPORARY RANT BOOK

Parents

once again this is from last year. the title of this chapter is what i had it as last year and what you see after this, wasn't altered at any later point

I'm kind of sick of living up to life expectations. There is no point to it. What if all you worked for was being a doctor, you spent your whole childhood wanting to become one, spent your whole life studying and the day before you get your license, you happen to die in a cross fire shooting.

Then what's the point? We waste so much time complaining, and restricting ourselves, and being miserable when we should be happy. Why cant we be happy?
There are even some people who ruin other peoples happiness for the fun of it. But this isnt what I want to talk about.

Let me tell you about my parents. My parents are hardworking people. My dad comes from a tougher background and went stop reminding me and my siblings of it, my mom had it a bit easier but now, all that doesn't matter does it?

I hate how certain adults act.
I loathe hypocrites. Now I know most people have been hypocritical but sometimes there is a line crossed.

I hate how every child is seen as a spoiled brat and ungrateful and always jealous of something someone else has. I wonder if it's like an automatic thing to assume. That I'm gonna end up like how you were.
I can barely find the words to describe it. I'll just continue- I mean rants dont always have to make sense right?

I think my dad lowkey hates me. I say lowkey because duh, I'm his kid and I'm not entirely bad, so there at least is that border paternal love, but besides that, he hates me.

People are always like, it's just tough love and he wants the best for you, which I'm sure is true but I'm still a child and being berated every day isnt something even a regular person doesn't bat an eye at.

Now, I'm not regular. I am weird and strange and queer and abnormal. Not everybody appreciates that.

One being my dad. Now, I get his side of things. I am very mindless sometimes, I often forget important things and I make mistakes I shouldn't make according to him.

I also turned 14 a couple weeks ago. I'm not trying to be the stereotypical angsty teen but sometimes I want to be left alone. Its ungrateful, some kids only want their parents attention, but if that attention is purely negative, would you crave it so much?

I know I'm a fuck up but honestly I dont think anyone gets that, I can't change myself. I cant stop myself from making mistakes and forgetting stuff. If I could I wouldve. I wish I could. I try.

Being scolded every day is tiring for me too.

But everything is somehow my fault. Right now I'm in Jamaica with my twin brothers who are three years old. I know they are my responsibility, but I also know there are five other adults in the house. like actual adults who have their own children.

I cant even eat in this damn place without being called irresponsible because idk where my brothers are. How does that make sense? I cant even eat? You knew I was going to eat AND You saw them with another adult? Yet somehow I'm a horrible sister.

The other day my brother was crying because I didnt let him follow me into my room. He had a stink and grumpy attitude all day and had been whining for me the whole time. Yet somehow the moment I dont give him what he wants, my dad comes, up "why is he crying" and when I tell him, it's like I havent cared for him the whole two weeks we have been down here.

I was helping out with the laundry one time and there was a rain shower so I went to talk the clothes inside but my dad told me to leave them hanging up.
Somehow when the wind blew and they came off the clothesline, that was my fault too. So now the weather is my fault as well.