I wanted to go to a therapist for years now. I dont consider that's happened to me, trauma, not really but separate from that- I feel like my own mind is the real problem.
there comes a certain point where one has to look at themself and be like, sis there ain't not a damn reason for you to be thinking about dying for the eighth time today. especially when its everyday.
but I'm also scared to. never mind the pandemic (I refuse to do over the phone sessions, like tf is that?) I'm scared that they will say there is nothing wrong with me and I run out of excuses.
I know there is something wrong with the way my brain works, but im so used to lying. I just know that if they go and ask me if im okay, I will say yes. If they ask me anything in the same room as my parents, all of a sudden I am mentally healthy with good coping mechanisms. that's for one.
Idk man. I want help but I also dont want no one helping me. I want support but I dont wanna ask for any. I'm fine helping others, telling others there are reasons to live, before turning around and staying silent about how I really feel.
emotions are too much.
not to mention some horror stories I've heard about therapist actually being bad and making things worse. nuh uh. that's not for me
YOU ARE READING
TEMPORARY RANT BOOK
Randomif you know me irl, please do not read if you dont want your opinions of me to change, please do not read. I'm dead serious, do not. if you're gonna judge me, please do not read I'm actually fine if no one reads🤣 but aye, this is a SAFE SPACE, OKAY...
