The Suicide List

We arrived at the woods hours later.

But the drive going there was more meaningful. Kisses were involved in our trip, more stories, more laughs. I would place my hand in Kayleigh's thighs and she would hold that hand often, causing me to hold that hand and kiss it, earning her chuckle. Way back when, I thought that love came to me when Colleen came. Granna would tell me I was wrong. We broke up many times, but I'm crazy enough to come back to her and I even allow her to use me in many ways. Granna would tell me that love is when a person came to you and it suddenly felt right, everything felt right.

Now, granna would probably tell me 'I told you so'. I now compared and realized the difference. I never loved Colleen. I realized that our relationship were centered on being focused on reputation and lust. But not Kayleigh. I've never adored someone's laugh and everything else about her until now. I've never felt terrified of losing her. Loving Kayleigh have never felt so wrong. It felt... right. Something enough, something needed.

If granna would tell me 'that's love', then I'm fucking in love for the second time. But I don't even need her conclusion. I can see it clearly: Kayleigh Barrow is and has always been the love of my life.

As we arrived, we found an inn and checked in. We then placed our things then went out, watching the staff prepare for the Woods' Night while we were under the shade of the tree, sitting, holding Kayleigh close.

"You know, Woods' Night is part of FCF. It's celebrating a love story of the goddess of the woods and a hunter, who respected her and the woods." Kayleigh smiled.

"That's cool." I smiled, "You know what I wanna do in Woods' Night later?"

"What?"

"Take you on a date."

"Whoa." She giggled, "I've never been on a date before."

"I'm taking you on a date, whether you like it or not." I laughed.

"Then ask me properly." Kayleigh smirked.

I smiled at her and touched her cheek, "Kayleigh Barrow, may I take you out on a date tonight? During Woods' Night?"

She smiled and kissed me, "Yes. I would love to, Sebastian Walters."

Afternoon came when I bought a green, flower patterned, spaghetti strapped dress that Kayleigh will wear in our date later.

Late afternoon when I prepared for the Woods' Night and my date with Kayleigh. I dressed up in some sneakers, a brown leather jacket, a black shirt, and ripped jeans. I fixed my hair before going out. I made sure that I look the best for Kayleigh.

I've been waiting outside for a while when Kayleigh went out in the dress I bought for her. Her hair was in a ponytail, tucked to the side. She has makeup and sneakers on and I knew I got myself a lady that I fucking adore.

As she approached me, I held her waist and pulled her close, smirking as I kissed her, "You're so beautiful."

"Thanks. You look good as well." She smiled as I made her twirl.

"Can you be mine already?" I asked softly.

"I'm already yours goddammit. You forgot again aren't you?" She whispered then giggled.

"Just wanted to be sure I'm not dreaming."

"You're not." She then kissed me, "Let's go."

We went to the festival, holding hands. For hours, there was nothing but fun. Games, music, food, and of course, time with her.

We both met friends along the way which were actually good musicians. They performed one by one until they asked me to. I then borrowed their guitar and sang a song that I composed when I was nine. It was actually a song to the one I loved, which that time was Kayleigh. I finished the song, earning applauses and a kiss from Kayleigh. Hours later, a slow dance was commenced. And I took Kayleigh with me to dance.

"Sebastian, you know I don't dance."

"We'll see about that." I said as we started swaying to the beat. As the dance lasted, Kayleigh started to get along with the beat, "Is that you-know-I-don't-dance?"

She laughed, "Fine. I know just a bit."

"A bit is fine." I smiled.

"Sebastian."

"Hmm?"

"I decided something."

"What?"

"I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to kill myself. You showed me beautiful things Sebastian. You made me learn a lot. I realized that if I kill myself, I'll miss out more in life. Maybe it's fine if I just live and give life another shot, maybe start anew somewhere."

"Let me guess, Upstate County?"

"How did you know?"

"I had to read your list to know where to go next. You were drunk."

She giggled, "Yeah right. I thought you'll leave me that night."

"I can't leave you Kay. I love you."

"Me too." She whispered.

"Which is why I planned on coming with you."

"What?" She was shocked, "How about your life back home? Your popularity and stuff?"

"Yeah. Being popular is cool Kay. I love it when I have the love of everybody. But I don't have everything. I'm not sure if I really have the love of everyone. And what sucks the most, the fact that I wasn't able to discover the most beautiful things in life. And one of them is you Kay. I've never felt a love like this until now. Until you. It felt right. And now, I know it's not yet too late for me. I'll make things right. I want to love you and take care of you. I want to make you happy. I want to live a simple life. After all, it's always what I wanted. This. All this."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes. I'm sure for the first time in my life."

"But-"

"I promise you Kayleigh, no one will ever hurt you. This is the last time someone hurts you. This is the last time you'll cry over something or you'll wish to die after everything you've been through. I promise that this is the last time I'll use 'I'. From now on, I'll think of nothing but us, our future dreams, plans, life, you and I. I promise you'll be treated like a queen and I'll be your slave."

Tears soon fell in Kayleigh's eyes and I wiped them with my thumb, "I will love you Kay. And I'll always go after you. You'll always be my queen."

"I promise you'll always be the one I'll want." Kayleigh cried, "I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too Kayleigh."

And in the middle of the dancefloor, we kissed. I didn't even have to hear a yes or no from Kayleigh with regards to coming with her to Upstate County. But when she promised me that I'll be the person she'll always want and love, I knew that she wanted me to come with her. After all, we were both broken. And when we gave each other promises, our walls officially went down, and we opened ourselves for healing and second chances.

We both smiled as our eyes were closed and our foreheads were touching while dancing on the dancefloor. We didn't ask each other to be girlfriend and boyfriend. But with the promises we made, we knew something so certain:

Kayleigh always had my heart, and I knew I had hers.

I am hers, and she is mine

And that was enough.