Mad Ember

19: Acceptance

The songs I add before a chapter hint to the feelings and messages that will rise within it. It gives my characters a real voice. It brings them to life. All songs will be provided! :) And the playlist is on spotify!

S O N G F O R C H A P T E R : "My Cell"
B Y : The Lumineers

"Fallin' in love and so alone"

It feels like everything that just happened was a dream. Like I never woke up this morning. It was if I was sleepwalking, and my mind and mouth were running ahead without me.

Acceptance. It's a big thing, at least for me. I saw Corban as the enemy. But, after everything, I am starting to think I was wrong. Unfortunately, if I thought the pull towards him was strong before, now it is absolutely consuming. I can't escape it. Every part of me just wants to jump his bones. I will have to talk to Reagan and see if all of this is the mate bond... It feels more, though. I find myself wanting to be around him more and more, and I want to do everything I've never done with him.

This whole thing feels like I'm taking this huge chance. In the end, we only regret the chances that we didn't take... right? He made me feel things so foreign. He made my mind think like never before. He makes me smile. He makes me smile like the way I smiled with Matt. At the thought of Matt, Nostalgia encompasses me. God, I miss him.

Sometimes when I got to missing him too much, I would think about what we would have done if he had lived. How we would have built my treehouse together and probably play pirates in it. He would have insisted we either make or find a wheel and a telescope. That way, our game could be more authentic.

He would have been freaked out by Collet. I can just see his reaction to her apparel, he would have turned me around and covered my eyes. I would think of how we would grow older, and what our relationship might turn out to be. I loved him. And I will never stop loving him. He would probably flip if he knew I was living with a pack of shifters. Not out of anger, but curiosity. He would ask them repeatedly to shift, trying to figure out how bones breaking turns them into a wolf.

So now I just sit on the floor of the living room like a time bomb ready to explode on the next person who walked in. It was different when I was on my own. When I was by myself, I didn't have anyone to talk to. No one to keep things from. Collet knew everything and was barely around, but now I have people constantly around me, and I feel like I have to explain myself to them. Then the door opens, and my breath hitches.

"Ember, I'm home! Oh..." Her voice grows quiet, and I hear her put her bag down. "What happened? What's wrong?" She questions sitting down next to Dog and I on the floor. I shake my head, thinking back to my time with Corban. Nothing went wrong, but that's what terrifies me.

"We almost kissed. It took everything in me to hold back." If possible, her eyes grew.

"Do you wish it happened?" She urges. I let out a frustrated sigh. She eyes me curiously.

"Ember, do you want to kiss Corban?" She asks again. I bite my lip and remember back to when he kissed my forehead. His lips were so soft, so gentle and I would be lying if I said no.

"I do." I whisper. She squeals in excitement.

"Oh my gosh this is so exciting!" She gushes. I shake my head and she calms down.

"You're afraid aren't you." I sigh dejectedly.

"Terrified. Kissing him will bring everything forward. It will make it real. And as much as I want to. The thought of everything coming even closer to the surface is enough to hold me back." She nods and takes hold of my hand.

"Give yourself time then. It will just make your first kiss all the better." I smile and roll my eyes. Something to look forward to I guess. I bury my head in my hands.