𝑸𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆 [𝒍𝒓𝒉]

21 | the days after

Sunday, day 21,

The next day, I locked myself in my room, using the excuse that I was having a bad headache and didn't want to leave the bed and tried to get as much sleep as possible.

The truth though was that I didn't want to face Luke. I felt embarrassed about yesterday. Not about the kiss but that I was the one who kissed him and then run away like a child.

I didn't know how I should act when he was around, so I decided that it was the best if I wasn't in his presence at all. And maybe, if I managed to stay away from him long enough, my feelings for him would go away as fast as they had come. I wasn't ready to deal with another boy drama.

Maureen tried to call a few times but I declined all of her calls, not wanting to lie to her but also not wanting to talk about last night just jet. What happened last night was something private between me and Luke and I did not feel comfortable sharing it jet, even if Maureen was my best friend.

I would tell her one day, but I first needed time to think and make sure what I thought about the whole situation before I could tell anyone about it.

I mean, it wasn't that big of a deal, right?

We kissed, nothing more.

It was just a simple kiss, that meant nothing.

But then, why did I wished for nothing more than to feel his warm lips crushing against mine another time?

Why was our kiss the only thing I could think of, no matter how hard I tried?

Calum knocked at my door in the evening, bringing me something to eat and asking if I wanted to join for a movie night later, but I declined of course, not wanting to have to sit on the same couch as Luke did.

Maybe he'd leave my mind if I pretended that he didn't exist.

This way I survived the first day not having to speak with the tall blond once. How I'd manage to do that the next day was still written in the stars.

Monday, day 22,

I used school as an excuse for not leaving my room for another day. It wasn't a complete lie; I did have many assignments to do but they surely wouldn't take the whole day to get finished. I had almost gotten through the whole day without talking to anyone when Calum again entered my room to ask if I might be interested to watch movies this day.

I actually wanted to watch movies, but I still said no, for the same reasons as the day before.

"Did I do something wrong?", my brother then asked me.

I gave him a confused look: "what do you mean?"

"I mean, first you tell me that we don't spent enough time together but whenever I want to do something with you, you don't want to... I just don't get it", he mumbled, sitting on the bedfellows.

"No Calum, you're not the problem", I said softly, squeezing his shoulder softly.

"Is everything between Luke and you okay?", he then asked quietly.

My heart skipped a beat and then began to race, the blood burning in my neck, head and mostly stomach. Did he know something?

I cleared my throat to make sure that I could say the next sentence, sounding believable.

"Yes", I lied straight to his face. "Why would you think that it wasn't?"

I knew for a fact that someone would rather believe you if you kept looking deeply into their eyes. I still hoped though that it was good enough for Calum to believe. He knew me better than anyone else and lying to him had never been an easy task.

"I don't know", he said, scratching unsurely his neck, "you both were acting weird lately and I wondered if you two had a fight or something like that."

Relieve spread in my chest and my heartrate finally calmed down. I was glad that he didn't suspect anything romantically.

"It's just –", I tried to think of something I could tell him instead of the truth, "the whole quarantine is getting to my head."

His face relaxed, showing me that he was satisfied with my answer. "Okay, I'm glad. I'm really happy that you two finally get along."

Could he please finally stop talking about Luke? I didn't know how long I could continue like this without breaking out in tears. I only nodded in silence, knowing that talking was not a good idea at the moment and hoped that he would finally leave my room again.

Everything hit me all at once. The kiss, the guilt I felt towards Calum and the ache in my chest that was screaming out for Luke's hands on my cheeks and his lips on mine.

But I knew, I couldn't. Not much time had past since I had gotten my brother back and I didn't want to risk losing him by making out with his best friend. He would never approve me and Luke to be together and I didn't want to provoke a fight as long as we had nowhere else to go.

There was just too much on the line. Not only one, but two friendships (even though I was sure that I had already ruined the friendship between Luke and me last night) and a special bond between a brother and a sister. It was not worth it.

Calum had finally left my room and I was back to sitting on my bed, looking like a homeless while eating cookies and watching Netflix. I had decided that I left my doubts be doubts for today and distract myself with a few episodes of full house. I needed light entertainment and there was more than enough of it in this show.

Around eight o'clock, there was a knock at the door.

"I told you Calum, that I don't want to watch movies", I yelled with a full mouth, a few crumbs falling onto the key of my laptop.

I'm getting grosser with every day, I thought, cleaning them away with my hand, throwing them on the floor.

But the knock didn't go away.

I got up from my bed, walking towards the door and unlocking it while repeating in an annoyed tone: "I told you Calum, it's nothing personal, I just-"

My whole body froze as I opened the door, not revealing my brother as I had expected, but Luke who was looking at me intensely, a serious expression covering his face.

"Can we talk?", he breathed out heavily.

☆☆☆

This is a filler chapter, so I'm sorry if it's boring :)

I have an important question, so please answer:

Do you guys think that I update too much?

Should I continue posting a chapter each day or do you want me to post only every second day?