Blossomed in Love (ManXboy)

Are You Chinese?

Marco

"You're so pretty." His deep baritone voice tumbles out, soft breathing hits my face as I stare into earthly gorgeous green eyes with nothing but love laced in them.

"You're so handsome." I state softly before pulling him down and placing my lips gently against the man of my dreams and kissing him over and over again.

Deeply engrossed in each other, salivating in the feel of our arms wrapped around each other, heat emanating from our close proximity but not the uncomfortable kind of heat that makes you want to dip in the pool. No, it's the kind of heat that makes you want to wrap around the source to feel more, hands roaming and studying everywhere they can reach, and the doorbell rings.

We're not expecting anyone is my very first thought. Our moment is broken apart as my boyfriend moves to go get the door.

There's some shuffles at the door and so I move to get a look at what's happening.

A glock is pointed at Damon "Harry nooo" I draw out but it's too late as he shoots at my husband repeatedly, blunt shots to the back of the head.

It's too late, I couldn't save him.

I wake up startled in a pool of my own sweat, and it takes a couple of seconds to get my bearing. Little flames from the candle stare at me. The faint scent of incense obvious in the air and that's when I remember where I am.

The chapel inside St Angeline, day 3 after Damon's shooting.

"Another nightmare?" Yep another among the series of episodes which end with Harry killing my husband, that my brains coins up every time I close my eyes. When I do close my eyes.

I stare at the red head who asked the question Julian, master Nate's long time sub. His eyes stare at me with worry although still a little glazed over, an evidence that I'd woken him up from his sleep.

Settling for the minimal answer "Yeah" He interlaces his hands with mine and I barely manage a smile to thank him for being here. The rest of my friends passed out on various pews in the chapel.

It's like my whole world came to a standstill on that god-forsaken day, my mind won't stop replaying the events of that day over and over again.

If I didn't ask for space would it have happened? How did I miss the signs with Harry? Were there even signs? I can't seem to do anything but stare into space, unbothered by anything around me.

"It's not your fault Marco." Ah the cliché sentence that I've heard everyday, every minute for the past week, from my mom, Dash, Trip, Callum, Enzo, Dee's parents, Bess, Jalil, Rome, Elijah, master Nate, Karl, master Marcel, Chrissy, Jamie..... the list goes on and on. How does everyone not get that it's my fucking fault my husband is laying down on that bed, hooked up to monitors?

"Yeah" I say heavily before releasing my hand from his grasp, getting up and leaving the chapel to go get something, anything.

My mom is with Olivia and Kelly in the waiting area, slightly mumbling amongst themselves.

My mommy had taken the next flight back to the U.S when she got the news, first time she's been back since dad died almost 18 years ago. I'd broken down at the airport in her arms, everything tumbling out without a break. Damon's moms have been here everyday with my mommy and Bess, bonding and waiting for my man to open those gorgeous greens.

I cut to the other hallway that takes me past the NICU and attending's lounge, down to the A stairwells which will lead to the ER and out the hospital, a longer route but it ensures me bypassing everyone.

It was a success, I open the door into the starry nights.

About 11:30pm right now the place was a little less busy and much quieter compared to the daily influx of ambulances carrying in trauma patients. Hard memories hit me every time the whoopity sound of the sirens comes around, multiples sometimes and I wonder what pain that individual is going through. If they would survive this? If they have a support system?

"A little late for a stroll baby bro." Wasn't so successful.

Dashiel is standing amongst the Hibiscus flowers that landscapes the hospital. His hand holds onto his and Jamie's almost two-year-old son, who he bounces gently in his embrace. "By the sights of no one hovering around you, I'd say you snuck out." I nod slowly in reply, no use denying it now. "My hands are aching, would you like to hold Israel?"

I guess.

I proceed to hold the huge ball of energy when he's awake, cuddling him tightly against my chest and resting his head on my shoulder. I feel the little one relax into his deep slumber as I begin to rock slowly.

"I know what you're doing." I state to my brother.

"Stretching my arms?" He asks with narrowed eyes.

"Trying to get me busy, away from my thoughts."

"I just really need to stretch my arms, he's getting bigger everyday." He replies pointedly although I see right through him.

We bask in the silence of the night. Occasionally people pass by, an ambulance carries in another patient, someone arrives with flowers to see their loved one, and my thoughts raging.

"You know the first thing he ever said to me was 'are you Chinese?" Dash says with a sneer, although the crinkle around his eyes indicative of his amusement.

I turn towards my brother before bursting into laughter, probably the first genuine one in days.

"I kid you not, I thought it was the dumbest Asian joke ever." Dash mutters before continuing.

"Homeroom, first day of middle school 6th grade, Ms Granger assigns seats, weirdly enough according to first names and the first thing my blondie green eyed partner says to me is 'Are you Chinese?" Another wave of laughter is released from my lips. "First of all I'm half Taiwanese, half Caucasian secondly, not everyone of Asian descent is Chinese if you're gonna be racist be educated at least, that was my reply to him."

"I always thought you guys became friends right off the bat." I'd never even heard of this part of their meeting before.

"Nah" he states with a chuckle "all my ten year old brain saw was a racist prick and all his ten year old brain saw was a meanie." His eyes stare softly into space as he reminisces the story. "Turns out Kelly was making him take Chinese with a private tutor but he wasn't grasping it and needed help. Harmless question, bad delivery." Interesting, Dee's Chinese is actually pretty good at least from his ability to hold conversations with his primary Chinese business partners, I'd say it was good.

"You know I always knew that there was something between you two." A look of shock crosses my face.

"Yeah you guys weren't as subtle as you thought you were." He rolls his eyes at me while shaking his head in mock disappointment. "But I always brushed it as a childhood crush on your part that'll fade away with time. But that wasn't the case. Turns out the real reason I think I always ignored it is because I knew it was going to happen regardless, no need to fight it."

Ah here comes the new wave of tears.

"You haven't been in his room since the shooting, and I know you blame yourself for it but I'm telling you that you shouldn't. Bad things just happen sometimes, and it entangles you in its fibers till all you feel is self-loathing and all you wanna do is punish yourself. All your thoughts then focus on putting the blame on yourself. It's probably hard to believe but the blame is not on you, you need to believe that."

That's hard to believe.

"Harry was my doing Dash." No one else's but mine.

"No he isn't, another persons actions is not your doing Marco. Harry murdered someone, Harry pulled the trigger, Harry impersonated a state official not Marco, Harry did. Fight for your love buddy, let him know that he has you no matter what..." Dash is cut off midsentence as his phone rings, his eyes meet mine. "It's Nate" he mouths to me and my attention perks up immediately.

"Damon is awake." The deep voice calls out over the phone speaker.