Recklessly (Lumity)

Chapter Twenty-One - Come Over

Amity's P.O.V

"Amity Blight." Alexa caught my attention, saying my name as she held out her hand for me to grab.

"Hey, today is the perfect day to be here." I gave a weak smile and grabbed her hand, pulling up and out of the chair. She gave me a concerned look, the one she always gives me whenever I'm here.

She walked me to her room which always calmed my nerves. The lightly colored walls, dark yet lit room, and the smell of coffee made my body relax very much. It seemed like she knew exactly what made me relax and what made me tense, like the sound of the air conditioner running.

"So what's bothering you today, Amity?" What isn't bothering me today? I thought but didn't say out loud because I didn't want to seem rude. So I took a deep breath and started from the first thing that was bothering me, Luz.

"You know the girl I like, Luz, I kissed her two days ago and it keeps itching at my brain." Her lips lifted up into a small smile as I confessed what I did. She never said it but I could tell she secretly wanted me and Luz to get together, too bad that is not happening.

"Well, what was her reaction?" My heart started beating fast as I remembered her reaction, the crazy look on her face when I pulled away from her. I honestly couldn't tell what she thought.

"She seemed angry, sad, maybe even happy but most of all confused. Her reaction is what's bugging me because when I pulled away she asked why I had done it and freaked out, and then I ran away because I know she doesn't feel the same." Alexa frowned and looked at me with sympathy. My hands trembled a bit as I realized what a stupid move it was to just run away.

"What makes you think she doesn't feel the same?" My initial reaction was to scoff and make it seem like it was obvious, but it wasn't, was it? Maybe she did feel the same way but how would she?

"After all the crap I've done to her? There's no way in heck that she feels the same." My shaking hands gripped the chair I was sitting in, sweating from the anxiety I felt. I wanted so badly to just run because I know what Alexa will say, she'll say that Luz doesn't feel the same and that's going to break my heart.

"Well, I can't say for sure what she feels for you but maybe sit her down and ask her. It doesn't hurt to ask." My eyes drifted to the side as I focused on the coffee pot, feeling my anxiety grow.

"She already said she doesn't know how she feels, that most likely means she doesn't feel the same, right?" Tears sprinted at my eyes and I did my best to hold them back. I felt sick, hurt, and anxious because of all of this.

"Amity, that doesn't mean she does or doesn't feel the same way, she may just need time to figure it out." She gently took my chin and guided my face towards hers, "Look at me and tell me why does this hurt so bad?"

"Because I don't understand how she would love someone like me." As I said those words I broke into sobs and threw my head into my hands as I cried. I felt so stupid for crying, this shouldn't hurt so bad yet it does and it sucks!

"Tell me why you think she wouldn't love someone like you." Alexa asked as my tears calmed down. I sniffed and wiped some tears away as I looked up at her. Brushing my hair behind my ears, I collected my thoughts and answered.

"I've fought with her so many times, abandoned her, and even called her useless. How would she love me after all that I've done to her. I'm a horrible person for doing all of that, I'm stupid, disgusting, and most of all...an idiot for falling in love with someone who will never love me back." More tears fell as my heart hurt to remember everything.

"You've made a lot of mistakes Amity but don't you realize that she still thinks of you as a friend? She's called you when hurt, she's hung out with you from time to time, and she even told you about Zander." She didn't tell me though, I found out myself because Zander is stupid.