The Journey

Chapter 6

Elisha

We struck out big time at the bar. Disappointed, we both went to Newton's apartment after grabbing some takeout at the restaurant beside the bar. The bartender couldn't remember seeing Newton the night he was there drinking because according to him, it was a very busy night, and a random guy drowning his sorrows in alcohol was just one of many.

"That was helpful," Nick commented drily, putting our takeout food on the kitchen table.

I shook my head and got out our food. I was starving, "at least we can start searching here. Did you check his phones? The persons he called before he disappeared?"

He nodded dejectedly, digging into his food, "yeah, but none of them provides us with a lead. The last person he called was our mother, and she said he sounded sad but nothing too alarming."

I was already halfway through my chicken rice when he glanced up at me and stared. Blushing because I knew I was eating like a pig, I turned my back on him and walked into the living room. "What about his bedroom or office? No note that he might have left?"

"None. I double-checked this morning," his voice answered from the kitchen.

I looked around his apartment, the apartment I once shared with Newton. Nothing had changed, except our pictures were all gone from the tables. That sent a pang of hurt through me. I didn't know he had already put them all away so quickly. It gave me a funny feeling to be here once more, and to actually sleep here tonight...it was going to be a long night.

"I'll go through his office again. You check the bedroom," Nick said from the kitchen.

Nodding, I went back to put my empty food containers into the trash bin. Washing my hands, I glanced at his half-eaten food. How I missed having warm meals. Most of my meals consisted of hospital food the past few weeks.

I dried my hands on a tea towel hanging from the side of the sink and said, "I'll be in his room." Going to the hallway, I couldn't help but compare the size of this apartment to the one we left a few moments ago. My own apartment could fit inside Newton's bedroom alone. No wonder Nick was scandalized that I lived there.

Focusing on my task at hand, I steeled myself before turning the doorknob to his room...our bedroom before everything fell apart. I avoided looking at the bed and gazed around, taking in the sight of the missing photographs once more. There used to be one of me beside his bed, taken when I started working in his building. Then there were some of us when we went sailing aboard his boat. Now there were empty spaces. Just like the empty space in my heart. No matter how I pretended that I was numb, I knew I was still hurting from our breakup. Seven years was a long time. He was my first love, my first kiss, my first time...how could it not matter? He was the one I planned to marry forever. How did everything fall apart so fast?

Struggling to keep the tears at bay, I shakily walked inside and started searching for any note. Opening drawers, I found things undisturbed: ballpens, papers, books. None of them had anything significant in them. Sliding his closet open, I took a deep breath and inhaled his scent. Yes, it was creepy, but I couldn't help myself. I loved his scent for so long. I ran my hands over his clothes, clothes that I would never ever get to touch, to hold, and to remove from his body.

Oh, God, it was too hard. I squatted down on the plush carpet and fought to stop a sob from escaping my mouth. I hadn't realized that tears were streaming down my face in torrents until they splashed onto my arms and jeans, choking on my breaths and clogging up my nose. The pain in my heart was too much to bear. I didn't allow myself to cry after our breakup. I had to be strong to face each day. Now it was all coming crashing down on me.

Strong arms suddenly enfolded me into a warm embrace. Nick crouched down beside me and drew me onto his chest, his voice the merest whisper, "sssshh, it's okay. You're okay."

I continued to cry. I cried for all our good times together, our bad times, our dates, our memories...I cried for the pain he inflicted on me, on our relationship. I cried for everything that was falling apart in my life and the hopelessness of my situation, wishing that somehow things would turn out alright for everyone.

When I had released every ache and pain from my heart with my tears, I became aware of how close Nick and I were, and I couldn't help but feel cared for. I hadn't had this feeling for the longest time, and it felt wonderful. His touch was giving me sweet little tingles that I hadn't experienced in awhile, and although I hated to do it, I had to stop myself from snuggling closer into his warmth. I shouldn't be feeling this way towards Nick, the brother of my ex!

I quickly drew away from him, wiping my face, "I'm sorry. I-I just need a minute."

He let me go and I hurried to the bathroom. Splashing water onto my blotchy face, I attempted to pull myself together. Now he'd demand an explanation, which I wasn't ready to give. I didn't know how to tell him the whole truth, but I knew it was time to tell him part of it.

Sighing, I went out of the bathroom and found my duffel bag on the bed. I took out my pajamas and went back inside the bathroom to get ready for bed. After this whole day, I was more than ready to hit the sack. Explanations could wait for tomorrow. Putting my toothbrush back inside my bag, I looked at the bed. The bed where I slept with Newton many times, and the bed where I found him the last time I saw him. And I was supposed to sleep here? Not happening.

I went out onto the living room. Nick was on the phone with someone, and I could hear him laugh and whisper seductively, "well, I wish you were here with me too, Val."

Whoa. That was new. Nick never had a girl when we were in college. He was too geeky and too interested in being top of our class to attract anyone. But now with his new looks and muscles, it looked like he had someone serious in his life. The thought somehow brought a feeling of jealousy in me. I mean, one minute he was comforting me and I was feeling all sorts of things from his embrace and the next, he was calling his girlfriend and wishing she was with him!

Well, what did I expect? He hated me, and he was now a certified "hunk", of course it was expected that he should have someone waiting for his return to London. After all his hard work, he deserved someone who cared for him and loved him anyway. I was just surprised. I still thought of him as Newton's geeky little brother. It was time to stop thinking that way and think of him as...as...

As a very sensitive man who loved his brother deeply and was very loyal to him, and who cared enough to drop everything to find him. Shit. This was worse for my heart. I was already in danger of feeling lots of sensations and emotions I had no right to feel for him. Luckily it was only for two days. I just had to guard my heart against all this. After a hard breakup, you would think I would be wary in caring for someone as much again. But somehow, Nick had always had a soft spot in my heart. And now, even when he was accusing me of all sorts of insulting things, he still managed to endear himself even more to me. I understood that he was only doing this out of love for his brother. Not all guys would be as devoted as he to their siblings.

I just had to keep reminding myself that he was off limits. And he would never be anything more than a friend. Anyway, this was probably just a rebound thing. Yeah, that's it! Nothing more.