The Journey

Chapter 18

Elisha

I didn't know what I was feeling right now. The pain was there, dull and throbbing, like an extremity that was missing or cut off but still exhibiting some sort of phantom pain, reminding me of what I'd once had and now lost. But there was something else...the need for closure. Before I could finally move on, I knew I had to see for myself. I had to see Newton and Meredith. I had to see what could have been mine had I not spent too much time away from him.

Nick was shocked into silence when I told him Newton was together with my best friend. It seemed the classic tale of boyfriend and best friend getting together behind my back. But honestly, it wasn't the case. In our story, I was partly to blame for all this.

Nick finally found his voice, "how...why...?"

I had to laugh. The very smart and glib Nicholas McAllister, rendered speechless by little ol' me. Will wonders never cease? "It's complicated, Nick." The front door opened, and I saw Meredith come outside, wearing a long dress, looking a little tired. I turned to Nick, "is it okay if I go talk to her for a sec? You can go find Newton."

He studied my face for a moment then nodded, "alright. Yell if you need help."

I rolled up my eyes, "I'm not going to clobber her, if that's what you're worried about. I just want to talk to her."

"Okay. I'll go find Newt. If you finish before me, you wait here, okay? I'm going to drag his ass back to the city and face mother."

I nodded. I'd forgotten about the whole drive back to the city. It was going to be very awkward in the car.

We both got out and walked to the front door, where Meredith was gathering her things in her bag. She noticed us heading her way and looked up. When she saw me, her blue-gray eyes widened and her mouth dropped open, her movements frozen. "Hello, Meredith," I murmured quietly when we were close enough.

She shut her mouth and stammered, "Eli! I...what are you doing here?"

"This is Nick, he's Newton's brother. I've been helping him look for him," I explained. "Can we talk for awhile?"

She appeared scared but she nodded, "Newton's inside the house. We can talk out here on the porch if you like."

Nick gave me a brief smile, "I'll be quick." Then he nodded respectfully at Meredith before disappearing inside the house. Meredith led me to the porch swing beside her front door and placed her bag on the floor. I sat down with her and we looked at the streets silently.

Suddenly there was the sound of smashing plates. We turned to each other, alarmed at what had happened inside. Then there was the sound of grunts and punches being delivered and received. I figured Nick was giving Newton his dues and relaxed in my seat. Meredith hesitantly looked at my calm face and followed suit. Voices were being raised in there, then there was silence. They were probably starting to talk. We might as well start too.

I cleared my throat, "how are you?"

She fiddled with her long brown hair, "I'm fine. How have you been?"

"Good. Surprisingly, good." We were quiet again, then I asked, "how are you and Newton doing?"

Meredith sighed, "we're still working on it. You know he still loves you, Eli. This isn't exactly our choice."

"And you think I forced you guys to do this?" I was getting angry at what she said.

She grimaced, "that's not what I meant."

"Meredith, I never wanted this to happen at all. I loved him. You know I did. How could you do this to me behind my back?"

"I'm sorry," she said sadly. "I was jealous of you guys and I...I was getting over Kevin and ...it just happened."

I shook my head. The betrayal was hard, but I knew they were both suffering the consequences of their actions now. Judging from her demeanor, things weren't good between them. I certainly didn't want them to feel this way, but there was nothing we all could do. There was no turning back. Regrets always came after the action.

"If I could turn the clock back, Eli, I would never have done it. I swear I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did," I said slowly.

She looked down at the floor, "I can't tell you how sorry I am." She leaned back on her seat, "I just wish he would, you know, care about me and maybe love me half as much as he loves you. Everybody knows how much he really loves you."

"So everybody keeps telling me," I muttered drily. "But the fact remains that he cheated. He didn't love me enough. If he really did, he wouldn't have done any of that and we wouldn't be in this situation at all."

She winced, "I know."

I looked at her pained expression, at the dark bags under her eyes, and the weariness on her slumped shoulders, and I realized that I didn't wish things were different. It was like a great weight had rolled off my shoulders and I was free of a burden I was carrying for so long. And I realized that I wasn't angry at Meredith. She was merely a victim of this too. It was unfortunate for her to be saddled with the consequences of their actions but at least she would get her blessing in the end. "I can't say I've completely forgiven you, Meredith. You hurt me too much. But I can say that it doesn't hurt as much now as it did before. I've accepted the fact that Newt and I will never be together again the same way. And I do wish you both well. Maybe with time, things will start to look up for you both."

Meredith smiled wanly, "I hope so too. Thank you for coming, Eli. It means a lot to me."

"And don't worry. I'm still your friend. It's been very quiet without you," I added, nudging her shoulder with mine.

Sh chuckled through her tears, "I don't deserve you, Eli. You're too good for us."

"Oh, I don't know about that. There was a time when I wanted to skin you alive and roast you over a slow fire, but I've gotten past that phase," I commented airly.

We shared a good laugh, and I reached out to squeeze her hand, and she squeezed back. At least I had my old best friend back. Even if we still had strained moments, it was good to laugh with her again.