His Bodyguard

19. Hope

ENO

The morning came by but I feel like I'm stuck at a moment where Jakes' body was hotly pressed on mine.

A loud slap echoed at the bathroom walls ,my cheeks now red from my own assault. I need to fucking tight the grip of my own mind running back to that specific bothersome moment.

But if I'll be very honest with myself, I like how Jake made me feel ,like I'm wanted not to be used but wanted because he needed and craved for me, as a normal woman.

But I'm not just any normal woman, I'm scarred for life, broken and haunted.
This new feelings will only lead Jake to regret being involved with me. I don't want that. Call me hypocrite but I don't deserve any redemption or salvation.

All those innocent deaths, their agonizing screams, the excruciating pains I inflicted to them, their pleads I ignored ,all of it was the nails on my coffins ,buried deep enough to bleed out my flesh.

I guess me changing for the better will only be one of my greatest dream.

I smile sadly and look at myself on the mirror ,me having two colored eyes.

Being Emilia ,will cost me so much if Arthur finds out I already know who I am. I don't want to risk it.
I'll talk to Jake about it.

Jake.

A small genuine small crept up my face.
At first ,I really thought he's just a stuck up,playboy,spoiled rich boy ,but there's much more to him.

He love David more than being his adopted parent. His down to earth,with cockiness sometimes. And when I said we should forget about our little moment ,he respected it though he hesitated.
For a playboy, he knows how to stop himself.
I admire him for that,but it should remain at that.

I sigh and reach for my contact. After putting it ,I dry from my hair and go out to the closet.

I settle for a grey lady suit with a white undershirt and my favorite steeled boots.
I don't know if Jake will go back to work now. It's better to be ready.
Though I feel like I was beaten to death because of my outburst at the gym, my moment with Jake ,the betrayal and my real identity ,I never had time to sleep.

I've been awake for four days straight now. I'm not bothered by it ,I always last a week not sleeping. Then I'll sleep for a say then back to one week not bothering to sleep. I've been doing it from the day I did my first kill.

His voice haunts and terrified the shit out of me, I decides to not sleep until I really need it so I can sleep without a nightmare. To let my soul be freaking tried it can go out my body.

That's what I say to myself,every time sleeps.

I exits my room and went down the kitchen. It's already 6:30 am. Bet everyone still on rest.

I make myself coffee and make everyone breakfast. Have nothing to do.

I prepare eggs ,bacon,sausage and toast.
After eating my share ,I went outside to round and explore it.

When I came back inside ,I saw Jake at the couch with his phone.

His wearing a grey sweatpants and a white fitted T Shirt. His hair is perfectly comb backwards.
I can only see his side profile but his still perfect.
I never thought I would think of him as a male to a female ,a man to a woman.

He's perfect and gorgeous from the first time I saw him. His sparkling blue eyes can see through your soul. His lips that is so soft but yet firm.

I pinch myself.