FREE FALLING ━━ p. dameron ✓

forty two

Ahsoka sits around the holotable, fiddling with the Dejarik controls. Her cloak is pooled around her arms.

I sit down beside her. "Do you want to play?"

Ahsoka shakes her head.

It's silent again. "Ahsoka. I know you knew my grandfather. Is there anything you could tell me about him?"

Ahsoka tenses up. "Why do you want to know?"

I sigh. "I don't know anything about my grandparents. My mother and uncle wouldn't tell me, even when I begged. My father didn't know much. My brother, Ben, he knew a lot about my grandfather. But he never told me."

Ahsoka nods her head after a minute. "I guess there's a few things I could tell you." She starts off. "First of all, you must keep in mind that your father was a fantastic Jedi. Even though Jedi weren't supposed to love, I did. I loved him. He was my brother. I first became his padawan when I was 14. He of course didn't want me, but I grew on him. Then we fought in the Clone wars together until I...I left the Jedi Order."

"Why?" I ask.

Ahsoka cringes. "I'd rather not talk about it. Anyways, your grandfather, Anakin, he was absolutely in love with your grandmother. She's the reason he turned to the darkside. He believed she was going to die, and to save her, the Chancellor told him that the darkside could help. The Chancellor, Palpatine, was actually a Sith Lord."

"A Sith Lord? How could the Jedi council not see that?"

Ahsoka shrugs. "We were blinded. By the time we realized, it was too late." It's silent for a moment. "You remind me of Anakin. He was an amazing pilot. I think that's why you're such a good one. You have the blood of Skyguy and Han Solo. And the two of you look the same." Ahsoka say thoughtfully. She strokes her chin.

"I wish I knew him. He sounds amazing." I say.

"He...was. He really was."

"What was my grandmothers like?"

"Padmé? She was also amazing. She was Queen of Naboo at one point. Then she was a Senator. From what Obi-Wan said, she and Anakin met when they were both young. And Padmé was gorgeous. She was charismatic. She relied on her diplomatic skills, but when worst came worst, she knew how to fight dirty."

I smile to myself. "Even though I don't know them, I miss them." I say.

Ahsoka sighs. "I miss them too."

Ahsoka and I's small moment of silence is interrupted by Poe.

"We're landing on Onderon now." He says.

Ahsoka and I both stand up, heading for the cockpit.

Chewie breaks through a blanket of clouds. I glance down and catch sight of a small group of people waiting on the grass.

Chewie guides the ship down and the Falcon lands with a small thud. The ramp lowers and I'm bounding down it, breathing in the fresh air.

My mother stands, waiting for Ahsoka. The Togruta is the last to exit the ship. She looks around in wonder.

My mother steps forward and shakes the Jedi's hand. "It's so good to finally meet you...."

"Ahsoka."

My mother smiles. "It's nice to meet you Ahsoka. Welcome to Onderon."

"Thank you Leia. The last time I saw you, you were just a baby."

My mother smiles. "How things change. Now, may I have a word with you?"

Ahsoka nods and lets herself be guided into the barn. I suspect my mother is giving her a run down of what happens here.

I catch sight of Finn rushing off towards the med bay, probably going to see Rose.

Rey is trailing after my mother and Ahsoka. The scavenger seems to be in awe of the Grey Jedi master.

Someone pulls my hand, and I turn around to see Poe.

"Can I talk to you?" He asks.

I bite my lip and nod. I follow him to the edge of the forest, away from everyone else.

It's silent for a moment. Poe runs his hand through his hair.

"I've been meaning to say this for a while. I was going to tell you on Coruscant, but we didn't have the time."

I fidget nervously, knowing where this conversation is going. "Poe-" I start. He cuts me off.

"Just...let me get it out."

Pause.

"Wren Solo. I love you. And I would do anything to protect you." Poe says. He stares at me lovingly. He's expecting me to say it back. I can't. I won't.

"Don't say that." I whisper. I close my eyes briefly, letting tears slip past my eyelids.

"Don't say what?" Poe looks confused, his love dissipated for the moment.

"Don't say you love me. It's not true."

"Of course it's true! Wren, I love you. I'm in love with you." Poe steps forward.

"Don't say that! Nobody loves me! My mother doesn't love me! My father didn't love me enough to stick around! Ben tried to murder me! Braiden didn't love me enough to protect me! I'm a curse! I'm unlovable!" I yell at Poe. I'm sobbing now, a river of bottled up tears spilling down my cheeks. My lips taste salty. "So, don't say you love me! Don't give me hope!"

"Don't give you hope about what?"

I grab the roots of my hair nearly pulling them out. "Forces your fucking dumb. I'm in love with you! Ever since Starkiller! You permanently live in my mind! I'm so fucking in love with you that it physically hurts me. I just-"

I cut myself off. I wipe at my eyes angrily before pushing past Poe. He just stands there, shocked.

I don't blame him. I didn't even tell Braiden that I loved him. I've never told anyone except Ben and my dad that I love them. And look where that got me.

I push past people, heading for my room. What I need right now is my droid and to be alone.

Nobody questions me. Nobody even glances at me.

I get to my stall and shut the door quietly. I collapse on my cot, and let myself cry again.

If this what love is, it hurts.

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I'm obsessed with across the stars right now

word count: 1058