𝑶𝒄𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝑬𝒚𝒆𝒔

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐢𝐱 |𝟔|

"𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞."
 ~ 𝐋𝐢𝐚𝐦 𝐑𝐲𝐚𝐧
• • •

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟔 

God, I'm pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. I press my hands against the sides of the sink and look at myself in the mirror. I'm a mess. A pathetic, crying mess. My eyes are red and swollen, my throat burns as if I rubbed it with sandpaper.

I'm a mess. All of this...for what? Because I'm too weak to handle the words of a stupid boy. But he's not just any boy.

For as long as I can remember I've been drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I can never take my eyes off him. The moment he's anywhere in sight, I'm watching him like a creep. I don't know why and I don't know what it is that has me fascinated. Maybe it's the mysterious, bad boy demeanor; the way it reminds me of my own life. It's more of the mystery rather than the bad boy part. Most of my life is a mystery. I don't remember my childhood. I don't have a single memory of me being a child.

I mean, sure as a child you won't have memory of much but there's always something you remember. If I was ever in an orphanage, I don't remember. If I had a real family, I don't remember and it's killing me to not know. The closest thing I've gotten to memories are the nightmares that haunt me every night. I don't know if they are memories but they seem so familiar to me. It's just that when I wake up, it's all a blur.

Right now, I look at myself in the mirror through blurry eyes as that voice I always hear echoes through my head.

"You are pathetic. Worthless. Useless."

I dig my fingers into my hair, pulling at the strands, wishing and begging for that voice to go away. I just want to go home. All I have to do is wait a little longer for Aiden to pick me up. I already called him - since he wasn't answering my texts - the second I regained consciousness and just sobbed into the phone because what else can I do?

I splash water on my face. The icy water felt good against my burning eyes and flushed skin. I open out my hair and scoop the thick curls into a bun before dragging my hood over my head again.

After another moment, I slip out of the bathroom and make my way towards the parking lot. I didn't get very far though before someone grabs my arm and yanks me into an empty class.

"Ocean," Gabriel murmurs. I don't look at him. I can't because I know I'll burst into tears again. The decision, however, is taken out of my hands when my hood is pulled down and cold fingers nudge my chin up.

"Jesus Christ," he breathes, swallowing hard. I watch as his candy green eyes darken ever so slightly. God, this is so embarrassing. I look like an eyesore. I glance down and move away from him.

"Ocean? I need to tell you something important, okay? Please just hear me out," Gabriel whispers. I nod lightly but keep my head down.

"I'm sorry for what happened out there. I didn't know that it would be so bad. I thought..." Gabriel closes his eyes and releases a harsh breath before starting again.

"We can't talk to you...at least not right now."

I'm not even surprised. I knew this was going to happen. But my heart still sinks in disappointment.

"I promise, Ocean, we want to be your friend. It's not that we don't want to. We have to sort some things out with Remo."

At the mention of Remo's name, my shoulders slump forward.

"Remo... Remo is complicated. He says dumb things okay? And sometimes he doesn't mean it. He doesn't know what he's saying or if his words can hurt someone. That's just how he is. And every time he does that I have to fix it so here I am, fixing it. Or at least trying to. I know my words will do nothing. He's going to have to screw his head on straight and make this right. I'm real sorry, Ocean," he murmurs, "I never wanted this to happen."

I bite down hard on my bottom lip to keep the years from spilling down my cheeks again and slowly inch closer to the door. I rest my hand on the doorknob, ready to make my escape but Gabriel is too fast for me. His hand shoots out, taking me by surprise and I flinch away from him.

He looks down at me curiously. "Don't run, Ocean. I need to know if you understand why we're doing what we're doing."

I nod hastily. I just want to go home. Aiden should be here by now.

Gabriel moves his hand off the door and I yank it open before he could do anything.

"I'm sorry, Ocean."

I turn away from him, slamming the door as I run out of the class. He didn't say it. He didn't say, Princess.

He didn't call me princess, not once and that is what hurt the most.

As soon as I left the school, Aiden was there...well actually his girlfriend, Amber, since he doesn't exactly have a car.

I burst through the doors and stumble towards the car, almost falling in the process. Amber steps out of the car in an instant but she doesn't touch me. Did Aiden tell her I don't like being touched?Aidan, however, doesn't do anything. He just sits in the car and looks straight over my head at something behind me.

Even during the car ride home, he was silent. Amber was silent as well. I've never really known Amber. Aiden's always kept her away. I've never asked why. Maybe I should ask. Because I probably could have had a friend a long time ago and Aiden knows that, so why did he keep her away from me?

I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone, so as soon as we reach home, I make my way to my room. I didn't get far again because Aidan caught my wrist. He gazes down at me but I can't look at him, afraid that he might still be mad at me.

"Ocean, look at me."

The hard tone of his voice has me looking up at him instantly.

"Did they do this to you? Did they hurt you?"

I shake my head and wince as his grip on my wrist grows stronger.

"Do not lie to me, Ocean," he grits out. His grip is even stronger now and it's starting to hurt. Reaching forward, I sink my nails into his wrist, forcing him to let go.

I hold my hand to my chest and back away from him. Today was just too much. Too many things for me to deal with all at once.

"Oh, God. Babydoll, come here," he whispers in a soft voice and he reaches forward for a hug but I pull back. It's as if he turned off a switch in his brain because one moment he's hurting me and the next he's hugging me? Like he feels bad about it? I step away from him. It doesn't feel the same right now, - not like it usually is and I hate it.

I leave Aiden standing by the front door, and stagger down to my room.

Today was a nightmare come true. Too many things said, too many things done. Too many things for me to deal with. And I just want it all to stop.

~&~

SOMEBODY HELP ME!

 HOW DO I GET MY FRIENDS TO BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE UNDOUBTEDLY TALENTED AND AMAZING WRITERS??? AND THEY SHOULDN'T LISTEN TO PEOPLE THAT BRING THEM DOWN??? BECAUSE IT'S KILLING ME TO SEE THEM SO UPSET!