that's life » s. hyde

[01] that 70s pilot

That 70's Pilot

Eric sat in the basement, wringing his hands nervously. Alongside him were his best friends, Hyde, Kelso, and Donna. Above him, the beat of music from his parents' era played loudly. The date was May 17, 1976, and the gang was currently trying to convince Eric to snag them some beer from the kitchen.

"Eric, it is time." Hyde said, leaning in.

Eric took in a breath. "Why don't you do it?"

"It's your house." Hyde said.

"Your house." Kelso repeated. Kelso was leaning over Hyde's shoulder, an intense look in his vacant eyes.

Hyde pointed upwards to the ceiling. "Listen to them up there. The party has reached critical mass. In ten minutes there will be no more beer opportunities."

"If my dad catches me coppin' beers, he'll kill me!" Eric protested.

Hyde slapped a hand onto Eric's knee. "I'm willing to take that risk."

"Don't worry about it," Kelso said, "just remain calm, keep moving-"

"And above all, don't get sucked into my dad's hair." Donna said.

Eric paused. "What's wrong with your dad's hair?"

"Just... don't look at it."

"And Eric," Hyde stood up dramatically, clutching Eric's head in his hands. "Cold. Definitely cold." With that, he patted his skinny friend on the shoulder and sent him to his inevitable doom.

Eric ran up the stairs, almost running into his mother, who was on the way out of the kitchen with hot pizza rolls. She cut through the crowd with ease, and Eric clung behind her, looking for some lone beer cans he could snag. Eventually, he found two in the living room. Right next to-

"Hi there Eric!"

"M- Mr. Pinciotti!" Eric said, staring at the top of Bob's head.

"So, Eric, how do you like Bob's new hair?" Said Bob's wife, Midge, as she came up and put an arm around Bob. "Isn't it groovy?"

This caused Eric's gaze to shift downward, toward Midge's low-cut, high-tied, sheer purple top. "It's... incredibly groovy, Mrs. Pinciotti."

As soon as Eric was able to free himself of that painful conversation, he grabbed a handful of beer cans from the bar and was quickly shut down stopped by his father. He stood there awkwardly as the parents talked about Toyotas and the gas crisis, but minutes later he managed to be running down the stairs, cheering "Beer! I got the- I got it!"

Hyde didn't even look up from behind his Playboy magazine. "Izzy beat you to it."

Eric looked up, confused. On the couch next to Kelso, in the previously empty spot, was Eric's twin sister Isabelle, her feet pulled up under her, flipping through a magazine and sipping her beer daintily.

"Damn it Izzy! How'd you get 'em? I didn't see you up there at all."

She shrugged. "I'm as stealthy as a panther."

"I've seen you trip over your own feet while standing still."

She smiled and looked up. "Garage fridge."

"Damn!"

Kelso started laughing. "Burn!" He yelled, putting an arm around Izzy. She didn't mind. 

"Well anyway! I have news!" Eric said, opening a can of the warm beer he had brought down, not taking one of Izzy's cold ones out of pure sibling spite. "My dad is thinking of giving me the Vista Cruiser!"