simp (katsuki bakugo x reader)

𝕜𝕒𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕨

"Katsuki..." Y/N whined from the bathroom, hiccuping. "My dick fell off..."

  "Y/N, for the last fucking time, you don't have a dick. I would've noticed." Katsuki grumbled, storming into the bathroom. Whoever thought it was a good idea to give her 3 cans of Monster and a whole ass bottle of Tequila (Hawks), not to mention a roofie (Mineta), was a fucking idiot in Katsuki's opinion. The two had gotten back from a party celebrating Endeavor's retirement, and neither of them were happy. Y/N was currently trying not to vomit into her Hello Kitty themed toilet, and Katsuki was researching ways to cure drunkenness on WikiHow.

"I'm telling you, Kat, my dick is gone!" Y/N wailed, hitting her head against the pink toilet seat. "My dick fell off!"

"Y/N! I will show you that you don't have a dick if I have to!" Katsuki yelled, although a blush enveloped his face. Y/N's eyes widened and she looked up from the toilet bowl, eyes shining with tears.

"You would do that for me?" Y/N whimpered, hiccuping. "I love you, Katsuki!"

"Y-Yeah. I love you too, idiot." Katsuki mumbled, and as if on some sort of cue by the author, Y/N promptly fell asleep in the bowl, gurgling in the toilet water. Katsuki's eyes widened and he yanked her out of the toilet by her hair, revealing her dripping wet face. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked around groggily.

"Huh? What happened? I was swimming in Jersey Shore with Nicki Minaj..."

Katsuki let out an exasperated sigh and guided Y/N to the shower, wrinkling his nose. "We need to get that toilet and Mineta smell off of you. Smells like Peaches's coochie."

"Hehe, you said coochie..." Y/N giggled drunkenly as Katsuki turned on the shower, immediately grabbing the shower head and hosing her down. Her eyes shot open and she started to cry, shivering from the cold water. "Katsuki, it's cold..."

"I know, just fucking...bear with it for now, okay?"

Y/N's crying didn't cease, her salty tears mixing with the freezing water. Katsuki sighed, pushing her soggy H/C out of her face and staring into her eyes.

"I'll watch Kitchen Nightmares and listen to Nicki Minaj with you if you stop crying."

Y/N suddenly stopped crying, clamping her mouth shut as Katsuki hosed her down. After a while, he turned off the water, lifting her wet, clothed body out of the tub.

"We need to get you changed now." Katsuki muttered, blushing at the thought of stripping off her clothes. Y/N's eyes grew half lidded, lips parting.

"Katsuki..." She murmured, stumbling closer to him. Katsuki's face reddened and he took a step back, bumping into the bathroom door.

"Y-yeah?"

Y/N placed a wet hand on his chest, leaning up towards his ear.

"I'm feeling special tonight. Can you get me my Lightning McQueen pajamas and crocs?"

Without hesitation, Katsuki exited the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He was so embarrassed. What was he thinking? Even if Y/N did seduce him, which she probably would never do due to her being an oblivious dumb baby, taking advantage of his drunk girlfriend was not very cash money of him.

A few minutes later, Katsuki handed Y/N her pajamas, still red from his thoughts. Y/N beamed at him, leaning up and kissing him on the cheek.

"Thank you, Kat!"

She shut the door on her hand, yowled, then pulled it out of the door, attempting to shut it a second time. This time, she shut it on her foot, making her whimper in pain. Katsuki rolled his eyes and lightly pushed her back, shutting the door for her.

"Thanks!"

Soon, Y/N burst out of the bathroom, clad in Lightning McQueen pajamas.

"Kachow, bitches!" Y/N shouted, giggling as she stumbled forwards. Katsuki rolled his eyes as he caught the small girl, holding her close to his chest as he guided her to her bedroom. Y/N nuzzled her face into his soft pecs, wrapping her arms around him.

"You're squishy. Squishy Katsuki." Y/N giggled, muffled by his gigantic tiddies. Katsuki's heart melted, and he placed her onto the bed, kissing her forehead.

"Goodnight, dumbass. Don't get drunk again."

"Katsukiiiii..." Y/N whined, eyes shining with tears. "Come cuddle me..."

Katsuki raised a brow, grabbing onto the door handle. "You need to rest. I'll cuddle you tomorrow."

"Cuddles now!" Y/N growled, outstretching her hands in a grabbing motion. Katsuki sighed, giving up. He couldn't win against Y/N's child-like cuteness. He flopped onto the bed, enveloping the drunken girl in his muscular arms.

"Now, sleep, dumb-"

Katsuki was cut off by the sound of Y/N's snoring, a thin line of drool already trailing out of her mouth. The man internally face palmed, slightly turning to turn off the girl's fish-shaped lamp. The lights dimmed, and he turned back around, kissing the top of Y/N's head.

"Goodnight for the millionth fucking time, you cute idiot."