Endure and Survive (Sequel to How We Live Now)

Chapter 6

"I never got to tell them how I could feel their love every time they kissed my forehead or whenever they hugged me. And for the longest time, I blamed myself for it. Hell, I still do sometimes. There were times after it happened that I'd see them in my dreams. And sometimes, I'd see them standing across from me," I said after the few minutes of silence.

"How'd you get through it?" he asked.

I sniffled and wiped away a few more tears.

"Hershel and the rest of his family, my family, helped me through it. I have a small indication of what you're going through, Rick. I just want you to know that I'm here to help you. We're all here to help you," I said.

"I know," he said.

"So then let us help you," I said.

He sighed.

"The thing is, I think this is something that I have to deal with on my own. I know I still have Carl and Judith to think about but if I don't get to the bottom of this, I'll never be able to rest," he said.

I could hear the agony in his voice. I sniffled again and patted his back.

"I get it. Just promise, you'll at least attempt to get a few hours of sleep," I said, standing up.

He smirked.

"I'll try. Now you better head back inside. You've been through enough these past couple of days. Tell everyone I'm doing my best to get back to myself again," he said.

"You got it. Night, Rick," I said.

"Night, Kari. It's real good to have you back," he said.

Before I left I knelt down and gave him a hug.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"For keeping my family safe. If it wasn't for you and Daryl and the rest of your group... our group, I don't even want to know what the outcome would have been. Speaking of which, where's T-Dog? I haven't seen him since I got here. Did he make it off the farm?" I asked.

Rick looked down and I knew I had to sit back down for this.

"He did make it out. He was here with...Axel and Oscar weren't the only prisoners here. There were three others. The head guy, we wouldn't have gotten along. He would have been a problem for all of us and so, I killed him. One of the others was bit by a walker because of the fact that we were wanting to clear a cell block for them," he said.

"You were gonna let them live?" I asked.

"I was. I could have killed them there on the spot but that would mean that I wouldn't have any humanity left. That and I had Carl and Lori to think about...I couldn't let this world win. Not when I had...had them to think about. But one of them got away. He set up a trap. He set off the alarms that brought more walkers. T-Dog died the same day Lori did and he died, getting Carol to safety," he said.

I released a shaky breath.

"This day is just full of great news," I said sarcastically while wiping away more tears that came down.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when all of this happened. I should have left with you guys. I should have never gone back to the house," I said.

"Hey. You're here now. That's all that matters," he said.

"And I'm gonna make sure that I stay. I'll always come back to you all," I said.

He took my hand and squeezed it once.

"We're family now," he said.

"That we are," I said.

"Now, before it gets later, go and get some rest," he said.