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Chapter 8

Sam said" Did you strip enough wire?"
Dean said" Yes, I stripped enough wire."
" Alright." Sam touched the wire, I water-ported back as it zapped, then the lights came on.
" See? Told you." Bobby came in, with the cooler," Well, isn't this cozy?"
" Yeah. Well, motel 6 just ain't leaving the light on anymore."
Bobby said" Well, I'm taking a page out of Frank Deveraux's bible on this. Everybody's out to get you- paranoia is just plain common sense."
Dean said" Weeks, guys. Weeks. We've been living with cold showers, cold hot pockets, cold freaking everything. I mean, this is the bottom that we're living in. You guys get that, right?"
" How many big mouths are out there, running card traces, like Chet, or hunting us down god knows what ways? No, now's not the time to be laying our bed rolls out on the grid. Not if we can help it." Then the electricity zapped, I water-ported to the other side of Bobby.
" That's just great." Sam turned on the lamp," This is stupid. Our quality of life is crap. We got purgatory's least wanted everywhere, and we're on our third The World's Screwed issue in, what, three years? We've steered the bus away from the cliff twice already."
Sam said" Someone's got to do it."
" What if the bus wants to go over the cliff?"
" You think the world wants to end?"
" I think that if we didn't take its belt and all its pens away each year that, yeah, the whole enchilada would have offed itself already."
Bobby said" Stop trying to wrestle with the big picture, son. You're gonna hurt your head." Dean grabbed a beer and laid on the sofa," So, what's the guff?" I sat in the chair, pulling my knee up to lay my head on,
Sam said" Well, uh, there have been a rash of sightings all over the southern pine barrens- a strange, fast moving, human like creature. Locals even have a name for it."
" The Jersey Devil? I thought that was just local tall-tale crap."
" The area's history of sightings goes back more than two centuries. Some accounts gave it bat wings, others horns, a... a tail. And, uh, oh yeah, a horse's head."
Dean said" Of course, the sketch looks more like a chewbacca head."
Bobby said" Sounds kind of mixed up."
" Yeah, kind of like it should be fighting a Japanese robot."
Sam said" Well, mixed up or not, it sounds like it might just have a body count."
Bobby said" Camping high season harshed by human burrito?"
" Yeah. Something hung a camper up in a tree, then ate him alive right through his sleeping bag. His wife hasn't been seen, either. Plus, there have been four other missing persons reports in the last three weeks. State troopers- get this- are saying it's a rogue bear."
Dean said" Yeah, of course, when was the last time you saw a bear string up its own piñata?"
Bobby said" Something's out there in the woods. Hey, we're going honest to goodness wilderness hunting. I haven't used my .30-30 in a while."
" Okay, Davey Crockett, well, safari's gonna have to wait till tomorrow and after our suit and tie dance. We'll make sure this is not just some backwoods crackhead who likes to roll glampers."
" What the hell's a glamper?"
Dean and I said" Sam?"
Sam said" High-end camper. TV, AC, wifi. Back to nature, zero inconvenience."
Bobby said" That's idiotic."
" Yeah. Some people just don't know how to live."
——
Bobby and I walked into Biggerson's, Sam and Dean walked to us,
Dean said" So?"
Bobby said" Well, I took a look at the cadaver- what's left of it. Not a happy camper. Don't have any stats on a jersey devil, but the bite radius on the vic's wounds- it's too small for a leviathan. And he's still got a ventricle and some change, so I doubt we're talking werewolf. And a wendigo don't leave no scraps."
" Hmm. Lunch?"
" Starving." I zoned out...

Someone hit my shoulder,
Dean said" Anyway, the chief ranger- I don't think he believes in the jersey devil." I started eating the fries in front of me,
Sam said" Oh, by the way, did he seem a little, uh, stoned to you?"
" Ranger Rick? Yeah. Definitely growing his own on the back 40 and smoking all the profits."
" He did seem to think that there was something."
" Oh! That is a good sandwich."
Bobby said" What the hell did you get?"
" New pepper jack turducken slammer- limited time only."
" Bunch of birds shoved up inside each other. Shouldn't play god like that."
" Hey, don't look at me sideways from that- that Chinese chicken geezer salad there, okay? This is awesome. Like the perfect storm of your top-three edible birds."
Sam said" All right, anyways, um... the ranger did seem to think there was something out there in Wharton forest."
Bobby said" Well, then I'd say it's safari time." Then there was an argument between a waiter and a manager.
Dean said" Well, anyway, back to bigger and better things." I scoffed, shaking my head, will Dean literally put anything in his stomach? It's gross.
——
We were walking in the woods,
Sam said" I guess I forgot. Before you were a hunter, you were actually a... hunter."
Bobby said" Yeah, well, we shot our dinner when I was a kid."
Dean said" You used to take us hunting. Remember? Dad had a case, he'd just dump us on you. Shoot, you must have taught us most of the outdoor tracking we know."
" Yeah, what I could get to stick. I never could get you little grubs to pull a trigger on a single deer."
" Talking about bambi, man."
" You don't shoot bambi, jackass. You shoot bambi's mother." We walked up to a bloody scene,
" Well, Looks like we found Phil."
——
They called in, I went invisible, paying attention to the surroundings, something was watching us.
Bobby said" Ranger, I think we've got company."
The ranger said" Yeah? Who's that?" Then he was grabbed, I became visible,
Sam said" Ranger! Ranger Evans!" We ran through the woods," Ranger?!" We heard rustling in the trees,
Bobby said" It's got him up in the trees." We looked up," Lights off."
" Wait, Bobby, you think that's really good idea?"
" Shut up, shut off, and listen." They shut off the lights," Damn thing is eating Rick."
Dean said" Man, I liked Rick." Bobby shot down the monster." Wow. Nice shot, Bobby."
Sam said" Seriously."
Bobby said" We all got our gifts." I crouched down, looking at the monster,
Dean said" What about the rest of ranger Rick?"
" Ranger called in his 10-20. His own will find him. We got crap to do."
——
I was carrying in the thing with my powers, I put it on the table. We all looked at it,
Bobby said" Built like a supermodel, but the thing was strong. Carried a full-grown man up a tree in nothing flat."
Sam said" But it only took one bullet to bring it down."
Dean said" And not even a silver bullet, just a bullet-bullet." Then it jumped up, we all pulled our guns out and started shooting. It fell again, I breathed out,
Bobby said" First one must have just stunned it."
" All right, well, let's check its hulk pants for some ID." Dean pulled out a wallet," Oh, that is just gonna ruin the leather." We looked at him, Sam grabbed the wallet,
" Are you feeling okay?"
" Yeah, I feel great."
Sam said" Gerald Browder, uh, lived here in town, 5'9, brown hair and blue eyes... 235 lbs."
" Whoa."
Bobby said" Well, apparently, he's lost a little pudge."
" Maybe it's a-a lap band side effect." Bobby grabbed a stick and stuck it into one of the bullet holes, he pulled it out and it was gray goo.
" What the hell? I think we better have a look under Gerald's hood."