SPARKS | JENLISA, CHAESOO

Chapter 26

Jennie's POV.

I was feeling very hopeful about the incoming talk with Lisa, maybe we can finally sort things out and all this madness will stop. Because it really felt like madness: every time I closed my eyes for more than a second my mind was going back to what happened last night. I was picturing in my head Lisa's firm, perky breasts hovering over me and the touch of her tongue on my lips...

Like right now...

I opened my eyes and snapped out of it. Yeah, definitely I have to do something about it or I'll go completely crazy.

"Remember, no lies or half-truths, we have to be honest with each other." I said as we both were sitting in a cafe, enjoying our cups of hot coffee.

"Right. Can I start? I... I just want to say that at first I felt really bad when you said 'no' to me... You have to understand that I was thinking about it almost all day, struggling with myself and then when I finally decided that I want to have sex with you, you just... rejected it. It hurt my pride..."

"I'm sorry..."

"No, don't be. You were right, I know that now. I wasn't ready to do it, I guess I felt pressured because... I didn't want to disappoint you."

"Disappoint me?"

"Yeah, I don't know how to explain it really... Maybe I just didn't want you to think that I'm some kind of repressed girl or a... coward."

"What? I could never think that! You stick to your principles and I admire you for it!"

"I want to thank you for last night, I know how much you wanted it so it couldn't have been easy for you..."

"Yeah, it wasn't, I still can't believe I said no." I made a joke to lighten the mood and she smiled. But then her face turned serious.

"Thank you." she said looking deep into my eyes and my heart melted. "So what do you think we should do now?" she asked and I started to nervously stir my coffee with a spoon, feeling my heartbeat accelerate rapidly.

"Lisa, I've been thinking about my feelings for you a lot and..." I paused.

Damn it, why is it so difficult? Just say it. Her beautiful brown eyes were staring at me encouragingly but I still hesitated.

"Maybe for me it's not just a simple physical crush..." I finally said. My anxiety was rising but I gathered all my courage and asked: "What would you say if I asked you out on a date?"

She blinked really fast and then her expression turned from surprise to... compassion.

And I didn't even have to listen to her to know what the answer was going to be. I felt as if someone removed the floor from under my feet.

Fuck, I was so sure she was going to say yes...

"Jen, I..." her voice broke. "I told you once that I believe in love at first sight. That the first time I meet that special person my heart will flutter... That I'll be sure from the very beginning that this is the person I want to be with. And... it's not like that with you. We're friends and I admit I'm physically attracted to you but..." a tear rolled down her cheek. Then a second one. And a third. "I don't think I can ever fall in love with you..." she tried to reach for my hand but I avoided the touch.

"I'm sorry, Jen, I'm sorry, but you wanted the honest truth..."

I did. I just didn't realize it would be so painfully crushing. Sitting with my head down I felt as if I just aged fifty years.

"I just hoped... nevermind." I said quietly. "Don't feel sorry for me Liz, I'll be fine." I said knowing perfectly how unconvincing it sounded. I got up slowly and prepared to leave. It was difficult to even walk, as if someone put a backpack full of heavy bricks on my tiny shoulders.