Requests

What If

Pha's POV

Yo and I had been together for 2 years. It was a wonderful time for me. I had the man I loved. I was going to school to do something I enjoyed. My friends and family were well and happy. Life should have been perfect. But somehow, it wasn't.

There was always a part of me that wondered, what if? What if I hadn't asked Yo to be mine? Where would I be? Who would I love if I didn't love him? No one. Honestly, I didn't want anyone but him. But still, what if?

We were at an engagement party for friends. Yo was laughing and smiling, like always. He winked at me when I walked toward him. My baby, I loved Yo. But what if?

After a couple of drinks I went to dance with some friends. Yo stayed to talk to Ming. It had been a long time since Yo felt the need to prove I was his. Sometimes I wished that he would get a little bit jealous. Tell me not to dance with other people. I knew he trusted me. But what if?

A girl walked up to me and started dancing. She was pretty but she had nothing on my Yo. He wasn't watching me, he was congratulating the couple. She started dancing closer, pulling her body up next to mine seductively. I recognized that look. She wanted me. If I didn't pull away she would kiss me right here on the dance floor. It was like a whisper in my head. What if?

I didn't really want to kiss her, but that what if called me. I hadn't kissed anyone but my Yo for 2 years. So I leaned down and let it happen. She didn't taste as sweet as my Yo. She didn't kiss as well and her kisses didn't make me feel anything. There was nothing.

I knew the exact moment when Yo saw me kissing her. I could hear his gasp and the gasp of a few of our friends. I looked up at him. His eyes were hurt and disbelieving. I pushed her away, but it wasn't fast enough.

Ming started toward me with murder in his eyes. But Yo stopped him. Yo must have known it was a mistake. He knew me better than anyone. He walked over and I prepared to explain. My Yo would forgive me.

He took my hand and led me to a quiet corner. I was prepared for him to yell. But he just asked, "Why?"

"I didn't mean it, Yo," I could see the tears in his eyes and I knew it was a much bigger mistake than I had thought.

"Do you like her?" he asked.

"No! It was a mistake," I answered quickly. "I didn't feel anything."

"Then why did you kiss her?" he asked. Why had I kissed her? I didn't really know. I didn't want her, it was just a moment of weakness. Had I wanted Yo to be jealous? I just wanted to know what if.

"I just wanted to see... ," I started, trying to explain something that I didn't really understand.

"You just wanted to see?" Yo looked at me with that pain still fresh in his eyes and in that moment I hated myself. "I hope you like the view."

Yo pushed away from me, and walked over to the door. Ming and Kit were already waiting with keys in their hands. Then Yo walked out the door with them. He was gone.

I looked around, trying to understand what had happened. Yo was angry and hurt. Our friends were all looking at me in various degrees of disbelief and anger, but I didn't have time to worry about them. Yo was gone. Yo was angry. Yo was hurt. And it was all my fault.

I ran out to my car, I wouldn't be far behind them. I would drive home and explain properly. I would tell Yo how much I loved him. He would forgive me.

When I got to our apartment, I saw Kit sitting in Ming's car, waiting. He saw me and stepped out.

"Why did you kiss her, Pha?" Kit asked, looking at me like I was a stranger. "I thought you loved Yo. How could you do that to him?"

"I do love him. I'm going to explain," I replied, I didn't have time for this, I needed to get inside.