The Path to the Tower

1.2: Til the End of the Line.

Of course, Steve went straight to the recruiting center and got rejected as soon as they saw his medical records. Of course, he went spoiling for a fight as soon as he could find one after it happened. Of course, Bucky saved his ass. Again. Of course, Bucky had his marching orders. Of course, the date went just exactly how he expected, the girls ignoring him in favor of Bucky. Those were all to be expected. That was in line with the way Steve Rogers' life went. Never quite catching a break but things never going so badly that he felt he could complain. He knew what having it worse was like. Alone and unnoticed was better than being noticed by people who wished you didn't exist.

That was not how the night ended though. He had been noticed. What he thought was initially the notice of people he really, really didn't want to be noticed by turned out to be exactly what he wanted. He was enlisted in the army as a potential candidate for some super-secret program. So the day Bucky shipped out, he was packing his own bags to Camp Lehigh to begin his own military training.

Even with how much harder Steve found training than everyone else there, he still noticed Peggy Carter. Never before had a woman looked at him and really seen him before. The person he was. The potential he had. Not just a skinny, sickly loser, but someone who was capable of more.

To begin with, he just appreciated her. The way he did Erskine too. The way they saw him for who he is and let him at least attempt to get to his potential was something he had only ever had with Bucky, yet even with Bucky he'd been a thing that needed protecting at least some of the time. Peggy had no interest in protecting him. She just wanted the best soldier for the job and let him prove that it could be him. She trained him to fight using his particular strengths which weren't that of the men who were much bigger and physically stronger than him.

By the time, he'd been selected as the candidate for the experiment that admiration had developed into a crush. She saw him. She saw him and liked him even though he was small and weak. Even though when he tried to talk to her he tripped over his words and sounded like a complete jerk. She saw him and it made his heart flutter. Not that his feelings for Bucky had changed. He still loved Bucky fiercely. This was more like getting a crush on your teacher. You knew it wasn't anything, but you still got butterflies when they called your name.

It didn't matter though, the experiment worked. He went from the tiny sick guy to the huge invulnerable one. Only everything had gone wrong. Erskine had been killed. The project canceled and Steve went from being a soldier to being a performing monkey.

Once again, his life returned to never quite getting noticed by the right people. At least he was getting noticed now. It could be argued a little too much. He was getting babies thrust into his arms to kiss like he was a crooked politician. Women would slip their numbers into his back pocket or press themselves a little too closely while they leaned in close as they spoke to him about how brave he was and what a great job he was doing serving the country.

In a lot of ways, it felt good. To go from never having anyone look twice at him to being a subject of desire was like a drug. It was hard to quit. It also had the ability to make him feel more unnoticed than ever. He now had this physique that people couldn't take their eyes off, but no one saw him for who he was at all.

Then the USO tour he was part of hit the troops. The troops who were actually doing the fighting. Who had seen so much. Lost so much. They were not as easily fooled by the bright costume and the practiced words. They saw the fraud he was. Steve felt worse than ever. It was difficult even getting out of bed in the morning.

It took Peggy to turn it all around again. She found him, sitting in the rain drawing. Seeing him once again for the potential he had and not the box he'd been stuffed in. It was in that moment that Steve saw more too. Not just a crush he'd been harboring over someone he had put on a pedestal, but as something with the potential for more. With years not hearing from Bucky the promise of something warm and real and with a happy ending of the picket fence and the four kids. That was a dream he hadn't ever let himself have.