The Path to the Tower

9.3: Three Breakups

Steve woke to Sharon shifting beside him. He opened his eyes slowly and he rolled on his side. "Already?" He said, his voice gravelly and sleep heavy.

Sharon nodded. They had been trying this long-distance thing for over a year now. To begin with, the space had been good. It had given them space to figure each other out and what they wanted exactly. It let them come to terms with the fact that Steve had once had a relationship with her great aunt and for all three of them to deal with their different feelings about that. It meant that there was no pressure for them to speed things along and Steve was given the space and time to work things out himself before directly jumping into bed with yet another person who showed him affection when he so badly needed it and then immediately overthink the whole thing.

Their relationship also meant there were no excuses that needed to be made. No 'I'm sorry, honey, the world needed saving.' They both understood what the other's job entailed. They didn't need to explain it or apologize. Calling before and after a mission and if it was at all possible a text was enough. No one got hurt by the fact they lived dangerously because they lived apart.

Only it had become more and more like a crutch. Steve had tried to lie to himself and tell himself that Ultron's words hadn't gotten to him. That he was something other than a soldier. The truth was, he'd never been able to let them go. Having Sharon not there meant he never fully had to commit. He could always put Captain America first. If there was no one waiting at home for him, what did it matter if he didn't make it back?

"I need to be back in Berlin first thing in the morning," Sharon said looking back at him. "I probably should have left an hour ago."

Steve leaned over and ran his hand down her side. She put hers on his and turned back to him and smiled. "You sure you don't want to be a little later?" He asked.

"I'd love to," She said leaning down and bringing her lips to his. The kiss was soft and lingering. Steve hummed, though there was a sadness to the sound.

Sharon pulled back and stroked his jaw. "This isn't working anymore is it?"

Steve sighed and sat up. "No. Maybe it's not."

Sharon ran her hands through her hair and started getting dressed. "I do love you, Steve."

Steve watched her as she moved around the room in the semi-darkness, the light from the moon occasionally catching in her hair. "I know you do. I love you too."

"I don't want to give up my job." She said.

He shook his head. "If you did, you wouldn't be the woman I love."

She smiled sadly and came over and kissed him again. His hand went to her hair and he held her, not wanting it to end this time. He savored the feeling of her lips, softly and giving moving against his. She pulled back gently and leaned her forehead against his. "You could work with the Avengers?"

She laughed and kissed his cheek going back to getting dressed. "I love your faith in me. But who would I be in the Avengers? I can't keep up with all of you. You have an actual witch on your team now."

"She's not a witch," Steve said. "You're an amazing agent. You'd fit in perfectly."

Sharon rubbed her temples. "I will always be available to help you, but the Avengers isn't where I belong. I work better in the shadows. You all stand out and draw attention to yourselves."

Steve smiled sadly. "It was worth a shot."

"You wouldn't consider coming with me? Finding something else for you to do?" Sharon asked.

"They wouldn't let me," Steve said simply.

"Who wouldn't? The other Avengers?" Sharon asked.

"Everyone. The world. I can't get away from it." Steve answered.

Sharon sighed and sat back down at the end of the bed. She patted his leg. "You can only live your life for you, Steve."

Steve sighed. God, how he wanted her to be right. To just be able to not be Captain America anymore. He had wanted that back when he'd crashed the plane into the ocean in the first place. They'd just dragged him out and thrown him back into it though. This is who he was. Who he'd always be. What he would give just to be able to stop again.

He had now made a family out of the people who had fought by his side. It was dysfunctional, but he loved them. Giving it up just wasn't an option for him in the world as it was. Really, he knew Sharon knew that. This was just a dance because they wanted everything and they did love each other. Unfortunately, that's not the way life works and eventually, someone has to compromise and neither of them was the kind of people who do.

Steve wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed the side of her neck. "I don't want this to end."

Sharon hummed and rubbed Steve's hip. "I know."  She turned her head. "If you ever want to hook up..." she joked.

"I'll keep that in mind," Steve chuckled.

Sharon turned and faced him. "You know how you told me about you and Sam?"

Steve nodded. "Yes?"

"I think you should explore that more. I think there's something there." Sharon said. "And I don't mean that in a jealous way. I really, really just want you to be happy."

Steve shook his head. "I think Sam has been brought into Nat and Clint's thing."

She smirked and leaned in and pecked his lips. "Well... still," she said and stood. "Take care, Steve."

"You too, Sharon." He replied with a half-smile.

She patted his arm opened her mouth again and closed it shaking her head. "I hope you can find what you're looking for."

"Me too." He said and wasn't sure if he was talking about her or himself.