The Path to the Tower

8.4: The Lonely Witch

There were days where Sam seriously questioned his life choices. He had been chasing false leads on this friend... ex... whatever of Steve's for years now. While rationally he knew the guy was a victim too. That he did really need help and if anyone could provide him with it, it was him and Steve. The fact he was violent worried him. Not to mention the fact the guy had torn his steering wheel out of his hands, torn off one of his wings, and kicked him off a helicarrier didn't exactly endear him.

Sometimes he thought, given Barnes had already been on the run for over two and a half years that maybe he was better off not found. There had been no word of a specialist assassin ghost taking out random targets. Sam had basically been following a cold trail based on people seeing a guy with a metal arm. He didn't seem a risk. Maybe it was better if he just had the time to heal alone.

Not that Steve was willing to let that happen.

That was another problem. After his hook up with Steve, he'd started questioning himself again. He hated feeling like that again. He knew he was still attracted to Steve. No, fuck that. He'd fallen for him hook, line, and sinker. Steve's immediate leaving had been a serious blow to his ego. The fact that not long after Steve had started to see Sharon and Sam now had to hear how hard long-distance was at least three times a week was an extra stab to the guts.

Sam still felt that when he decided to do something when Steve asked him, he only did it because he knew it was the right thing to do. Steve and Sam seemed to just be on the same wavelength when it came to a lot of things. It was one reason why he followed him in the first place. Sam hated taking orders these days. He only did it because he agreed with them.

Only now, every time, he had to weigh up if he thought it was a good idea because it was a good idea or because Steve asked him. He didn't want to be the guy who just did things because his crushed asked him to and he hated that he now occasionally doubted himself.

He had tried to get his mind off the rejection. He thought if he just could find someone else, even for a little while, he might stop doubting himself again. Going out with Clint was not helping though. He enjoyed being around Clint. Most of the time anyway. He was funny. He didn't take things too seriously. He was attractive. When they were out together they did get a lot of attention but now they'd become kind of celebrities and when people approached them it felt non-genuine. Like they were just looking for a piece of the Avengers.

Also, he may or may not have been developing feelings for Wanda.

He felt terrible. The poor woman had just needed a friend. Someone to lean on and support her through the trauma she had experienced. She wasn't looking for a boyfriend. He wanted to be that friend. He might not know what being tortured and experimented on was like but he knew what it was like to have your parents murdered. He knew what it was like to lose someone you loved in battle. It made his heart hurt to see her so wounded.

Yet the more time he spent with her the more his feelings developed and grew. Where most everyone else in the team had put up the wall around them to protect them, whether it be through snarky jokes or bravado or just simply holding people at arm's length, Wanda was just soft and open to love. She was scared yes. She was powerful and dangerous to anyone who threatened her without a doubt. Yet, even with all that, she was soft. She sought out affection. She loved to be touched and held. When she smiled it lit up her whole face like she had a fire inside of her. She allowed herself to be vulnerable. He loved it. He loved how different she was to just about everyone else.

Sam was beginning to wonder what the hell was wrong with him that he kept falling for people that were completely unattainable. That maybe it was a leftover issue with losing Riley. If you fall for people who you can't have, there's not a chance you will have to lose them.