The Path to the Tower

10.3: The Broken Assassin

Tony went straight to the bar in his penthouse and drank until he passed out. Over the course of the next week, he remained in either a state of near exhaustion or blackout drunk. His self-loathing hadn't been higher. It felt like he had now had almost every single significant person in his life betray him. He didn't know how he could keep doing this and not just give up. So he closed himself off. He stopped taking calls from anyone. Even Bruce and Rhodey. He could just see it as being a matter of time before they realized what a worthless piece of shit he was too and tried to destroy him.

The problem with Rhodey was he never let that happen.

"Come on, man. Get up." Rhodey said, shoving Tony. Tony was drunk. Really, really drunk. Normally when he got this drunk he looked for someone, or two someones he could take to bed. He hadn't had sex since before Pepper left him though. His libido was shot. His will to live was only hanging on by a few tentative threads. Seeing Rhodey now had made him realize how stupid he was not to have called him.

"Hey, cuddle bug," Tony slurred sitting up and reaching for Rhodey.

Rhodey let him grab him and took the opportunity to pull the almost empty bottle of Glenlivet from his hand. "I'm not going to let you do this to yourself again, Tony."

"Do what exactly?" Tony asked, tugging Rhodey down beside him.

"This. This self-destructive pity party. So Pepper left you. That sucks, man, but you're not the first person to ever get broken up with," Rhodey said. "Now, straighten up. Get your head back on and get back in the game."

Tony shook his head and nuzzled against Rhodey. "Oh, honey bear, you're the only one for me."

"Cut it out." Rhodey snapped. "I mean it." He turned and looked at Tony. Tony had trouble focusing on him and he patted Rhodey's cheek. "You're gonna go take a shower and then you're getting into bed. Tomorrow you're gonna find yourself a therapist. This has gone on long enough. You should have been seeing one when I met you."

"Can't sleep," Tony said.

Rhodey got back up and pulled Tony with him. "You can sleep with me tonight."

"You should buy a guy dinner first," Tony joked as he let Rhodey pull him along.

"Sleep, Tony. Just sleep." Rhodey said rolling his eyes. "Shower first. Alone."

Tony slumped after his friend, dragging his feet along the polished timber floors. "I don't know why you bother with me. I'm obviously a piece of shit."

Rhodey turned back and furrowed his brow. "What is this about? It's not just Pepper. It got worse. What happened?"

"Cap..." Tony said softly.

"What about, Cap?" Rhodey asked.

Tony rubbed his head and immediately started pacing. "He knew. He knew the truth and he kept it from me to protect himself and his precious little murder friend."

Rhodey stepped in front of him and put his hands on Tony's shoulders. "English please."

Tony took a breath and tried to get his drunk muddled thoughts in order "That friend of his... the one he's looking for. The HYDRA one."

"What about him?" Rhodey said, the exasperation evident in his voice.

"He killed mom," Tony said, his voice cracking.

Rhodey wrapped his arms around his friend and Tony just melted against him and started to cry. Crying wasn't something he ever allowed himself to do, and it took a lot for him to let it happen in front of other people. His body shook as the weight of everything seemed to come out through the tears he was shedding. "Cap knew and he told you that?"

"Yes... yes... but not for three years. He only told me because he wants to bring him here and doesn't want to feel guilty about it." Tony explained.

Rhodey didn't say anything for a while, he just held Tony as he sobbed. "Maybe he was trying to protect you. What difference does knowing make?"

"What difference?" Tony said pulling back. "I blamed myself and all along it was his that... that... monster's fault."

Rhodey frowned. "I'm on your side. I'm just... I want you to be okay, Tony. Steve fucked up. Big time. Do you think he is a bad person?"

Tony bunched his fists. "No."

"Do you think he was trying to hurt you?" Rhodey asked.

Tony dropped his eyes and shook his head.

"Then I guess you gotta decide if what he did was forgivable. If you still want him in your life." Rhodey said. "If you do, you have to figure out how to be okay with this. If not, maybe it's time to rethink what the Avengers are."

Tony nodded. He didn't want Steve out of his life. He knew that. He didn't call people friends easily and he had never in a million years expected to call his Father's perfect little Captain one of them. Yet he did. This had felt like a betrayal. Worse still, Steve expected that Tony would just roll over and show his belly and let the man who murdered his parents live under the same roof as him. Tony wanted to get past it. He did. He just didn't know how.

"Alright. Something to sleep on." Rhodey said, pushing Tony toward the bedroom. "Tomorrow you're going to find yourself a therapist. Maybe you can ask Wilson. He knows people. For now. You absolutely need to sleep."

Tony let Rhodey guide him to the bathroom. When he was alone he stripped off and hopped under the water. He remembered how hard it was to start showering again after Rhodey found him in Afghanistan. How as soon as the water had touched his head he had flashed back to them strapping him down and pouring water over his face so his airways became clogged with it. He still couldn't submerge his head in a bath, but he'd gotten used to the showers. He could get past this too. It was what he did.

When he got out and dried off he returned to his bedroom to find Rhodey in his bed. He had no shirt on and he was sitting up, looking at his phone. "You're really going to sleep with me?" Tony asked pulling on some boxers.

"I said I would. Look, man, I know you sleep better with someone in your bed. Half the reason you slept around so much was because you liked someone else there. If this helps I'll do it." Rhodey said. "But I'm not spooning you."

"You have pants on right?" Tony asked.

Rhodey rolled his eyes. "Yes, I have pants."

"Well alright then. I'll be the big spoon." Tony teased as he climbed into the bed.

"No spooning at all," Rhodey said, settling down into the bed.

Tony switched the lights off and settled down into the bed. It was nice having another body in there with him. He wondered if there was a way he could just have this part with someone. Even without sex, he just wanted someone he loved that he could curl up in bed with and get some actual sleep. As he drifted off to sleep he was thinking not about how he'd been hurt but about how lucky he was to have Rhodey as a friend.