Loki's punishment for attacking Midgard involves him staying in the Avengers Tower, helping to fix the city he tried to break, no magic allowed. With hateful stares directed at him everywhere he goes, Loki spirals downwards into a battle with himsel...
A/N: SIKE! You thought I was gone? I've got this small surprise for you before I depart. This extra chapter is a small bonus scene that I could never really fit into the story, but I liked it too much to get rid of it. I had a tonne of these on my old phone but they've sadly been lost. Hope you enjoy this chapter and the tumblr post above!
Loki strolled serenely to the communal room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His attention was immediately drawn to the squabbling Captain and Stark, whilst the archer and doctor ignored the petty quarrel to read the newspaper between them.
Though he was fairly sure the bickering couple were simply courting each other in some unusual, extraterrestrial Midgardian manner, the quiet friendship shared between the remaining men was admirably and clearly platonic.
"Ding dong, Captain Pong, you are wrong!"
"I'm not Captain Pong, Tony, I went for a run and showered—"
Even all the raw power at the roots of Yggdrasil wouldn't be able to stop them arguing.
"May I ask what it is they are arguing over this time?" Loki whispered, perched on the edge of the sofa beside the good doctor.
To say such chaos wasn't a common occurrence would be a lie, especially with Natasha absent; she had been assigned a three-day mission in Sinaloa—a place Stark described as having "every type of coke" (he still didn't understand what that meant). Needless to say, if it wasn't for the Captain's military proclivity for cleanliness and the doctor's reliable, rational behaviour, Stark Tower would've crumbled under the weight of all the Chinese take-out boxes the day Natasha left.
Clint had just inhaled to respond, when Tony's adamant reply cut off any chance of him doing so.
"Help me out here, Rudolph. Tell our favourite antique here that Buzzfeed quizzes are bullshit."
"Language! And I think the quiz is pretty accurate—"
"Your opinion came from the last millennia, Grandpa—"
"Would you care to explain what this... Buzzfeed is?"
Tony sat up, legs falling off Steve's lap, perked up like a dog that had just smelt something edible.
"Reindeer Games," the scientist drawled deviously, "why don't you take a seat?"
***
Loki had seen no greater electronic invention than Buzzfeed quizzes. An hour had flown by, filled with wondrous new discoveries. He truly was the embodiment of the Greek god Hades. If he was a doughnut, he'd be with chocolate sprinkles and chocolate filling. As a Disney princess, he was Mulan, but Natasha favoured her so he presumed that was ok. He'd growled at the screen when it had declared he'd be a Happy Meal, but the computer had redeemed itself when he'd been placed in Slytherin House.
On the other hand his placement in Slytherin had been made less desirable the moment Stark had received the same result, and the madman had attempted to tackle Loki into a hug. As a Slytherin, he could cunningly bring about Stark's demise.
All was going well, as Steve seemed pleased at every result he received, and Tony groused about "adolescent tech amateurs—I am not Voldemort!"
The fuming scientist was now ranting to Loki about how he'd gotten Steve in the "Which Avenger Are You?" quiz—Loki had refused to take that one. Stark's passionate haranguing flowing in one ear and out the other, the god of mischief continued to scroll through all the other quizzes, searching for one they hadn't done.
And then he found it.
Which Mythological Norse God are you?
Oh, this one would be fun.
***
"The co-founder and CEO of Buzzfeed, Jonah Peretti, has reported an unexpected crash with his website through the work of a deadly computer virus. Though the source of said virus is unknown, he promises to any waiting users that the page will be up and running once more within the week.
Now for the weather..."
"You want to explain this, Stark?" The recorded projection of the 5 o'clock news was quickly replaced by the glaring image of the Director of SHIELD.
"Well, the news said a lot of it but if you want me to—"
"The only person with the technological skill to hack Buzzfeed is you, Stark. Unless you think Mark Zuckerberg decided he had nothing better to do than antagonise another major corporation."
"Maybe Mr. Zucchini didn't like the type of smoothie he was."
"Stark..."
"I swear Patchy, I did nothing. I'll even give Techy Linguini a hand."
"See that you do." Tony exhaled heavily once Fury zapped out of his vision.
Teaching Loki how to use a computer had been a very, very big mistake. On the other hand, telling Loki he was probably Odin was an equally large mistake.
Downing his fifth Old Scotch and coffee concoction, Tony set to work. It would be a long night.
A/N: Reason why I called Mark Zuckerberg Linguini:
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OK I'm done. I love you all. I'll miss you all. Stay safe. Stay alive. Name your children after me. Au revoir!! ❤️
