Finally Feeling Wanted

Bird

Things are changing. Im changing. Personality wise, Looks, emotionally. Ive become this weak girl that is depending on a middle aged women who just happened found me in a tree.

Change is probably the most scariest things people go through. At least that's my interpretation. In the last 5 months of living with Demi I have had many urges to just talk to her. To just say hi. In the 5 months I have lived here I still haven't said one word. No hi, no nothing. I can tell Demi has wanted to say something about it but no. The one thing I'm having a problem is that Demi has put me in counseling. She believes that talking to someone will help. I think not. I have gone to about 5 sessions and I'm pretty sure Dr. Russell is about done with me. Well maybe that's not the whole truth, I'm the one whose done with it. She at least is getting paid for me to just stare at random things.  She is always trying to get me to interact with her either through drawing or writing. I just sit there staring at my fingernails or out the window.

Its Monday afternoon and I'm currently walking into my appointment for Dr. Russell.

"Good afternoon Annabelle. How are you today?" I just shrugged and looked out the window at the tree that sits right outside the window. "You know what, how about we go out side today. How does that sound?"  I looked at her bewithered. "You constantly look out the window and it looks like you like that. So what do you think, do you want to go out there today?" I nodded and I felt the corners of my mouth slightly curved.

"What are we waiting for lets go." She collected a few things and we headed for the door. Once we opened the door Demi stood up and looked at her watch. Probably wondering what we were doing.

"Hey Demi, me and Annabelle are going to continue this session outside today. If you could just sit right there, we will come get you when we are done okay."

"Okay" she said while sitting back down. Dr. Russell and I walked to the elevator, she let me on first and a automatically went to the nearest corner.  She just watched me and pressed the lobby button. Once the elevator dinged we exited and walked outside. She led me to a beautiful garden. We sat next to a tree. I sat with my back against the bark and she sat across from me. I looked up at the sky for a few minutes.  I was interrupted with Dr. Russell speaking.

"Do you want to draw something for me today. It can be anything you want." Today was different, I was feeling weird so I took her up on this gesture. When I went to reach for the paper, pencil and clipboard, that she sat on the ground,  I looked up at her face and complete shock made its way to her facial features. Then a small but noticeable small smile. I grabbed two sheets and sat back down.  On the first sheet I wrote 'do I have to give you this?' and gave it to her. Her eyebrows went up as this was my first type of communication ever to anyone in a very long time.

"I would like to see it, but if your not comfortable with it then no I don't have to see it. Its for you to express yourself."  I just nodded. 

Once I was in my zone, I just started to draw. I drew a girl with her mouth sewn shut and bloody arms. She was in a corner and a shadow was casted over her. By the time she was done her, the pencil tip was worn out.  I looked up, to see Dr. Russell staring at me in awe. I just blinked at her. She snapped out of it after a while.

"Are you okay with me looking at it?" I blankly looked at her for a while and then nodded so small, I don't even know if she saw it. Of course she did. She held out her hand so I slowly placed it in her hand.  She stared at it for a while. 

"Is this you?" I just shrugged my shoulders.

To be completely honest it was me. The sown lips represented me not being able to speak or at least not wanting to, the bloody arms are my arms and what they look like most of the time. One thing that I was afraid of is her finding out about my self harm. Nobody knows about that. And the girl that was sitting in a corner represents how I feel trapped and cornered.

"I have  very important question and all I need you to do is nod your head or shake it okay?" I nodded as if saying  I understood.

"In this picture, the girls arms are bleeding, Annabelle do you self-harm?" I froze. I couldn't lie but I couldn't tell her either.  I guess she could tell from my frantic expression. "Annabelle, If you do I'm not going to judge you. I just need to know. Please. Tell me if you are." I just looked up at the sky. There was a bird on the branch above me. Why cant I be that bird and just fly off and never look back.

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Authors Note:

Hey guys, Its Heidi here and I'm just wanted to say thank you guys so much for still reading this. I know its crappy and sucks but I'm gonna be editing it so it sounds much better and flows right. I also want to say sorry for not updating. I am having so much writers block its not even funny:(

Please comment some ideas or private message me some. I will give credit to you. I really need some ideas.

I am also starting to do questions to get to know my readers a little better. If you guys could take the few seconds and respond in the comments it would be greatly appreciated! I love you guys and don't forget to vote :)

Question: 

What's your favorite book? (It cannot be one on wattpad. Sorry)