My neighbor

Chapter Nineteen. Is It What I Want?

"Yesterday was great." Daniel nudges.

I turn to him, "Let's get something straight. I like you, you like me, but it isn't a good time."

"When will it be Mac?" He asks sounding genuine. 

"Dan, you're serious?" I ask.

He furrows his eyebrows, "Yeah, you're not?" He asks.

"No! I am, it's just.... I'm scared." I say.

He shakes his head, looking disappointed, "Fine."

I grab his wrist, "Please."

"I've waited, you're so great, but you keep saying it's not a good time, when will it be?" He asks. 

A wave of sadness washes over me, "Daniel."

"You let me know, until then, stay away." He says walking to his house.

I watch as he slams the door. He was right. I'm afraid of commitment, but he doesn't find me worth the wait?

"What happened?" Mom asks behind me. 

I turn to her as tear prick my eyes, "Daniel, I don't know." I breathe.

"Honey, you like him." She says smiling sympathetically. 

"I know." I cry out.

"What happened?" She asks again.

"I can't decide." I rub my eyes.

"What can't you decide?" She asks.

"If I want to be with him, I do but.... if it doesn't work when things are just beginning to get better." I trail off.

She places her hand on my shoulder, "Honey, he likes you a lot, if you want it, go for it."

"How do I know I won't mess it up?" I ask.

She looks into my eyes with a warm smile, "You won't, you just have to have faith."

"Bu-"

"Just listen, if you weigh your options and find that you think it'd be good for you, then go for it." She says.

I nod while wiping my eyes. Daniel has done so much for me, he makes me happy. Though every relationship has fights, I think I want it. I just need time, if he'd even wait for me. I've already made him wait so long.

"Thanks." I say walking to my room.

Sitting on my bed I close my eyes. If I go into it, he and I will be happy. We'll benefit each other and thrive. All that's blocking me, is my negative emotions and thoughts. 'What ifs' are filling the wholes that should be positive things. 

I need to stay away from him for a few days and challenge myself. If I want him as bad as I think I need to prove it to myself. I might actually love the idiot next door. What if he doesn't feel the same? Ugh. Shut up! 

My mom walks in with smile and I return it to her.

"Okay?" She asks.

I nod, "Yeah, I'm going to give it a few days." 

"Okay, be strong and think hard." She says.

"How do you know I like him?" I ask.

"You love him and he loves you, it's obvious, I see the way you look at each other." She explains, "You just have to decide if it's what you want right now."