Paused Emotions

12

A/N: Here's this weeks update. I wanted to just say that there's two parts to this book. Part one will be done at chapter 20. Don't worry, it's not two different books but after I reach chapter 20, I'm gonna take a break and brainstorm a little bit more and then upload again. JUST A HEADS UP, ALL MY LOVE:)

Angelica

I have never felt more vulnerable in my life.

Why do I feel like I've seen him before? He looks like someone I know... I can't quite put my finger on it.

The way he looked at me when I looked at him. The sincere worry in his eyes— pissed me off. It's not like he owes me any of his kindness or any sort of pity. He looked at me like I was harmed. I suppose I was, now that I look at my hand. However, he didn't need to help me.

If he didn't, someone else would've. So why does this bother you so much, Angie?

I owe him something now. I don't like being in debt to others, that's why I prefer to do things on my own. It's easier and less complicated. 

He left the room after. Mom's brows were furrowed together, analyzing me.

"What happened?" I don't think I can put off this conversation much longer. If she knows what I was thinking about, she's gonna make my therapy sessions from once a week to twice. I don't want that but I have to tell her or else it might just get worse.

"I thought about a memory with Elise." One sentence answer, no elaboration. Good enough.

"Honey," she sits on the bed next to me, "I know you don't want to talk more about it so how about I hug you and we go home after?"

The best thing about this woman was she knew when to stop. She knew when I wouldn't be able to answer her question— when I would lose my mind. 

"Sounds perfect."

She gets up, "I should talk to Caspian." Why?

"For what reason?"

"He did help you, love. I just want to pay him back somehow."

Of course she did. If I'm in debt that means she is too. "Mama, don't worry about it. I'll pay him back somehow."

"Your paying him back is slapping a bunch of money in his hands. I'm not a boy expert but that deflates their ego, trust me, I'm married to an egotistical man."

Dad. I sigh, I haven't properly spoken to Dad in a really long time. He barely looks up at me when I talk to him, nor does he ask me about how I am. He always pays close attention to Marina. I'm just an outsider in my whole family, I'm a mess and a wreck and an attention whore, who doesn't get any attention from her Dad.

"What are you gonna pay him back with then?"

"Dinner."

Before I can question more she walks out the door. She's gonna invite him for dinner? I have nothing against it, however the awkwardness of that is immaculate.

I roll my head around in a clockwise position, I hear the tiny cracks. I then do my shoulders. My body feels so heavy yet light, so tired yet energized. I don't know why I'm going through these waves of memories that left me alone for a good amount of time.