Find Our Way Back - T.H

•11•

The past few days have been nice. Tom and Haz have been spending a lot more time with us, and luckily it doesn't seem like Haz is having too hard of a time keeping the secret.
Tonight is Audreys father daughter dance. She's so excited she's been jumping up and down all day impatiently counting down the hours until it's time to leave.
"Just a few more curls." I inform her, holding the strand of hazelnut brown hair on the curling wand.
"Can I wear lip gloss?" She asks with a smile.
"I think we can make that happen." I say.
After finishing the last couple curls, I reach into my drawer, grabbing a clear gloss. She turns to me, Puckering her lips so I can apply the gloss. After popping on a small amount, she turns to the mirror with a large grin.
"I look so pretty!" She exclaims.
Nothing makes a mother happier than hearing those words. I love that she has self love and confidence.
"Yes you do. Let's go get your shoes on it's almost time to go." I say.
I grab her very adorable white shoes, and help her put them on. There's a knock on the door and Audrey jumps up quickly.
"That's Tom!" She squeals, running over to the front door and opening it.
"Tom!" She says excitedly, pulling him inside.
"Look at you! You look like a princess!" He says, smiling down at her as he shuts the door.
I take in his appearance. He's wearing a gorgeous stone colored suit with a matching blue tie to Audrey's dress. His hair is perfectly styled, gelled back. He looks good. Really good.
"Thank you." Audrey says, giving him a spin.
Tom looks over to me, his eyes scanning my appearance which I have probably put a less than an impressive amount of effort into. My black sweats hang off my hips, and the baby hairs escaping my ponytail tickle my forehead.
"Oh I need my lucky flower clip!" Audrey exclaims, running off to her room to retrieve her little blue flower hair pin.
"You look nice." I state, walking over to where Tom is standing.
"You do too." He says.
"Oh yes, with the mom hair and sweats." I laugh.
"It's a nice look on you." He says, his eyes burning into mine as a smile graces his face.
"I can do better." I say.
"Why don't you show me when I take you out to dinner tomorrow night?" He asks.
"W-what?" I stutter.
"Dinner, tomorrow night. Just us." He says.
"Are you asking this as a friend?" I ask.
"Nope, definitely asking you out on a date." He says plainly and I can't seem to find my words.
"Tom.." I sigh. "I- we can't do this."
"Why not?" He asks. "You saying you lost all your feelings for me?"
"No I just-"
"Dinner tomorrow. I can't wait." He smiles, quickly cutting the conversation off as Audrey walks back in, pushing the blue flower pin into her hair.
"Okay I'm ready!" She says.
"Let's go to the dance." Tom says to her, spinning his keys on his finger as he walks over. "See you in a bit."
"Bye guys." I wave as they walk out.
I watch through the window, seeing them drive away before letting myself panic a bit. No way can I go on a date with Tom. I've been lying to him.. I can't do this!
I look over, seeing Lia's car in our parents driveway. I pull out my phone sending her a text.
Allison: need you to come over.
I wait, and soon the door opens and Lia walks inside the house.
"What's up who we talking shit about?" She asks, sitting down on the couch next to me.
"Tom asked me on a date." I say.
Her mouth drops, and her eyes widen.
"No way." She says.
"Yes way. And he literally wouldn't let me say no!" I groan.
"Why would you say no?!" She asks and I raise my brow at her.
"I don't know maybe because I have a child with him and he has no clue!" I say.
"Don't you like him?" She asks.
"Well obviously.. he's Tom." I roll my eyes.
"So then what's the problem?" She questions.
"I can't be in a relationship with someone that I'm keeping such a big secret from." I say. "That's his daughter.."
"Tell him." She says.
"If only it were that easy."
My life has never been as complicated as it is now.. Tom wants me back? This is going to be a problem. How can I deal with this without loosing him? I don't want to hurt him yet again.. I've caused him enough pain already.
I should just move back to New York.. find another job and move. Coming back here was a bad idea. I don't know what I was thinking.
"Do you really think Tom is the kind of guy to try and take Audrey from you?" She asks.
"No.." I say. "But a split household isn't what she needs."
"He asked you on a date.. maybe it won't be a split household." She says.
"If I told him that I've been lying to him for six years, he'd never be in love with me, let alone like me ever again." I state.
____
After talking with Lia for a bit, I think it just made my anxiety worse. I sit with a glass of wine, just wishing something would come to me. A job in New York, or literally anywhere other than here in London.
I see car lights shining through the curtains, and hear Toms car come to a stop right outside the house.
Standing up, I walk out the door, waiting on the porch as they get out of the car.
"Momma! I had so much fun!" Audrey exclaims, running up to me.
"Oh I'm so glad!" I smile widely as she hugs me. "What do you say?"
"Thank you for taking me, Tom!" She says to him.
"Of course, thank you for letting me take you." He grins.
"Alright go get into your pajamas and brush your teeth. I'll be right in." I say to her.
"Okay. Bye Tom!" She hugs him, and runs inside.
I shut the door and turn to him.
"She is the cutest little kid." He says.
"Isn't she?" I laugh. "She has such a personality."
"Look Allison." He starts, looking down at his feet. "I get if you're not romantically interested in me anymore and don't want a date."
The fact that he thinks I'm not romantically interested in him is ridiculous.
"I'm a mom, Tom.. I'm not the girl you dated in high school." I say.
"I don't want the girl I dated in high school. I want you.. i want your daughter.. I want us to pick up where we left off.."
I feel my heart fall into my stomach. Every word he's saying right now is so perfect, I just have to push it aside though. I'm lying to him and nothing can change that.
"We can't just pick up where we left off." I say. "Things are different now. I have a child."
"Stop using her as a way to scare me off. It's not going to work. I want to be her dad, I want to be the one that helps you raise her, take care of her, I want to be there, for both of you."
Oh my god..
I have to tell him.