Find Our Way Back - T.H

•14•

Tom hasn't spoken one word to me since yesterday. I can only imagine how he feels right now. Hurt. Betrayed. I understand.
I was his best friend, his girlfriend, the love of his life. I stole a piece of him and kept it to myself. Even if my intentions were good, the act was not.
My phone dings, and I'm surprised to see it's from Tom.
Tom: is Audrey still at your mums?
Allison: yes, why?
I wait a bit, not getting a text back. Why does he need to know where she is?
I make my cup of tea, sipping it as I walk back into the living room. There's a knock on the door and i open it, being met by Tom.
"Hey.." I say.
"I want to tell her." He states.
"Okay." I nod. "We can talk about what to say, and plan a time-"
"No. I want to tell her now, I can't miss anymore time with her." He says.
My nerves increase, springing something like this on Audrey could totally freak her out..
"I don't know if that's the best idea." I say.
"Please Allison." He pleads. "I just want her to know I'm her dad.."
"Okay. I'll have my mum bring her over." I say.
Seeing Toms face hurts me.. he's cold and distant in a way he never has been before. He's not here for me. He's here for Audrey.
"Hey mum, it's me." I say into the phone. "Could you walk Audrey over here. I need to talk with her."
I hang up the phone and Tom paces the living room.
"She's on her way." I say.
"Okay." He nods.
"Tom listen-"
"No. I won't listen." He cuts me off. "Nothing you say will make this situation any better."
"Do you hate me?" I ask plainly, to which he rolls his eyes.
"We're not going to talk about this right now."
I sit down, and the front door opens.
"Tom!" Audrey squeals, running over and hugging Tom. "What are you doing here?!"
"I came to see you!" He smiles widely, squeezing her just a little bit longer.
"We need to talk to you about something, okay Audrey?" I say.
"Am I in trouble?" She asks, a worried look on her face.
"No not at all." I shake my head.
"We just have to tell you something." Tom adds.
She hops onto the couch and gives us her full attention. I never thought this day would come, but now it's here. I'm not even ready.
"Audrey, I know you've really wanted to meet your dad for a long time." I say. "I think it's time you meet him, would you like that?"
"Really?" She asks, her big doe eyes lighting up. "Yes! Please!"
Tom kneels down to be at her height, his hand grabbing hers.
"Honey, I'm your dad." He says.
She gives me a confused look, waiting for me to confirm what Tom just told her.
"It's true." I say.
She looks back to Tom, a smile slowly growing on her face and she stand up, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly.
I feel a wave of emotions wash over me as I watch him lift her up, holding her tightly. These two already love each other.. even if he hates me, I couldn't be happier for Audrey.
"I'm so sorry it took me this long, pumpkin." He mutters to her.
"Does this mean you'll come to my ballet recitals?" She asks excitedly.
"Every single one of them." He says and she smiles impossibly wider.
"Does this mean we're all going to live together?" Audrey asks me.
I knew this was coming..
"No.. it doesn't mean that." I shake my head as we all sit down to have a more detailed discussion.
"But my friends mom and dads live together." She says. "And gram and gramps live together."
"Maybe someday, okay? Just not right now." Tom says.
I know he only said that for the sake of keeping her sweet little mind from thinking about the drama behind all of this, but I can't help but feel a little hope. Hope that maybe some day we can get past this and possibly be a family.
"Do I get to call you dad?" She asks.
"Of course you do." Tom says.
He seems so excited, so ready. The look in his eyes, it's his passion. I only see that look when he really cares about something or someone. He really, truly, cares for Audrey.
"I'm really happy, my heart is sparkly." She giggles.
"Mine too." Tom says.
____
The conversation with Audrey couldn't have gone better. She's so happy to have Tom as her dad, and to know that she can rely on him. The only thing that worries me, is the promises he's making to her.
Telling her he will take her to LA for a premiere, even though we all know he's not going to want the media to know he has a child let alone showcase her at a premiere.
He's excited, I understand that, but he needs to realize the reality. He's a famous actor, and we're normal everyday people.
Tom walks over to me, leaving Audrey to play with her toys.
"Can I take her tonight? I wanna take her to ice cream and we can watch a movie or something." He says.
"Of course. Go ahead." I nod.
So this is what it will be like.. if he wants her around, it'll be without me. I watch as he tells her the plans, and see how excited she gets.
"Momma are you coming?" She asks me.
"Not this time baby, go have fun." I tell her.
She goes to her room to pack an overnight bag, and I walk over to Tom. It really could be a big mistake, saying what I'm about to say.
"You told me you never fell out of love with me." I say, sitting down next to him.
He laughs, instantly making me regret my words.
"You told me she was five. You told me her dad didn't want in her life. You told me you had no reason for leaving to New York. I guess we both lie."
His words shoot into me like a bullet, shattering me. I stand up, walking away from him. I can't even sit next to him without feeling like I'm suffocating.
"I'm ready daddy!" Audrey calls as she walks in with her backpack.
"Alright! Let's go have fun!" He says, his expression instantly changing from anger to happiness.
"Bye momma!" She hugs me quickly before heading off.
"Bye sweetie." I smile, waiting until the door shuts behind them to let the tears spill out.
God fucking Dammit.
I know exactly what I'm going to need tonight.
Allison: bring alcohol.
I tap my fingers on the kitchen counter, waiting for Abbi to text back, but I grow impatient. I throw my phone onto the couch, laying down with a blanket and letting my emotions take control. I didn't realize I still cared about Tom in that way. I was so busy thinking a split household would be bad for Audrey that I didn't even realize how much it would hurt me..