Find Our Way Back - T.H

•12•

"Tom.." I start.
"Momma! I got tooth paste all over the ground!" I hear Audrey call. "And in the bath tub!"
"I gotta go." I say to him.
"Think about that dinner date tomorrow.." he says with pleading eyes.
"I will." I say.
"Goodnight." He smiles, giving my hand a squeeze before walking off to his car.
I watch as he drives away, going back inside to clean up the mess Audrey made in the bathroom and put her to bed.
She jumps into her bed, pulling the blanket up over her body. I tuck her feet in and sit on the edge.
"Did you have a fun night?" I ask her.
"Yes, Tom and I danced longer than anyone else!" She says.
"That's good." I nod, seeing her eyes starting to close lightly. She's tired.
"Momma?" She says.
"Yes?"
"Can Tom be my dad?" She asks with a yawn.
Oh god..
"Go to sleep honey, we can talk tomorrow."
"Goodnight momma." She says.
"Goodnight."
I leave her room, shutting the door behind me. Tears slip my eyes and I step into my room, sinking down on to the ground. I can't do this anymore, I'm so fucking broken by the words that just came out of my daughters mouth.
She loves Tom.. she absolutely adores him, and he feels the same about her. I didn't think them meeting would turn into this, I thought they would be more like Audrey and Haz. There's just this connection between them, it's strong.
A father daughter bond..
I wipe the tears from my eyes, standing up and walking out to the kitchen. I grab a bottle of wine and a wine glass. I think better with a small amount of alcohol in me.
I make a list.
Things that could go wrong if I tell him, and things that could go right. If I get my thoughts out onto paper, maybe it can encourage me.
I want this for my daughter. Audrey deserves a father. Even if he has to leave us for six months. Even if he wants nothing to do with me. Even if he hates me.
My feelings can't matter, it's not just me anymore.
I make list after list, crumpling them up and throwing them in the trash. This shouldn't be this hard..
I pull out my phone, sending Haz a text.
Allison: you up? Can we call?
I wait a few minuets, and my phone starts ringing. I answer it, stepping out onto the porch.
"Hey." I say.
"Is everything alright?" He asks.
"Audrey got home from the father daughter dance, and she asked me if Tom could be her dad." I state.
I hear him sigh through the phone, not saying anything. He doesn't have to, I already know what he's thinking.
"I think I'm going to tell him.." I say.
"Are you serious?" He asks.
"Yes.." I breath out nervously. "It's time.."
"I couldn't agree more. Everything will work out, Allie." He reassures me.
"God I hope so."
_____
I get Audrey ready for her ballet classes for the day, and drop her off at the studio. As I walk in to pay for her monthly tuition, I see her run over to a little boy, squeezing him into a hug. That's so adorable! My little girl might have moved on from her crush on Haz. Finally.
"Seems our kids really like each other."
I turn around, seeing a tall blonde man with scruffy facial hair and a smile to kill.
"Seems they do." I smile. "I'm Allison."
"Nick." He introduces himself, shaking my hand. "I haven't seen you around the studio, must be new?"
"Yeah we just moved here from New York." I nod.
"Oh wow, that's a long ways." He comments.
"Yeah, I grew up here so I decided it'd be best to come back." I say.
"Well.. I have to get going but maybe I could get your number?" He asks.
"I- what? You want my number?" I ask and he laughs lightly.
"Don't be freaked out, I meant so maybe the kids could get together sometime." He says and I laugh along with him.
"Yeah. Of course." I say, giving him my number.
He types it into his phone and saves it.
"Cool.. I'll see you around then." He grins.
"Yeah. See you." I say, watching as he walks out.
I pay Audrey's tuition, saying goodbye to her before heading out to my car. My phone dings and I grab it.
Tom: decided on our date tonight?
I cannot go on a date with him, not until after I tell him everything.
Allison: rain check? I'm sorry I just can't find a sitter tonight.
I drive home, knowing Audrey will be in class for three hours and I'm not about to sit and wait. I get to the house and pull down the driveway, surprised to see Tom sitting on my porch, a blanket underneath him and a wicker basket sitting beside him.
Oh my god...
I step out, and he grins widely at me.
"Said you couldn't find a babysitter, so I decided to make it happen while she's at dance." He says, standing to his feet.
"Tom.. this is.." I struggle to find my words.
"I couldn't let you say no.. sit. Just eat with me.." he says.
I sit down on the blanket, and he opens the basket. He pulls out two wine glasses and a bottle of nice expensive wine, pouring it. Under any other circumstances I would find this totally romantic and thoughtful, but all I can feel right now is guilt and shame. I don't deserve this sweet little picnic.
"You remembered my favorite.." I say, watching as he pulls out almond butter and grape jelly sandwiches.
"Of course I remember. It's all you would eat for two weeks when you got the flu." He laughs.
I remember that.. except it wasn't the flu..
it was my pregnancy.
"Tom.. I don't know if right now you and I are ready for this." I say.
"Allison, I never stopped being ready to have a life with you." He says matter of factly.
I mentally sigh, not knowing how to direct this conversation. I can't tell him right now, because I have to leave in a bit to get Audrey and I can't just leave him. I can't just sit here and lead him on either..
"There's a lot to be discussed, things that need to be said." I mutter.
"Then let's talk. Please, just talk to me." He pleads.
"Not now.." I say sipping my wine. "Tomorrow.. I will have my mum take Audrey and we can talk then."
"Okay. Tomorrow." He nods, finishing the last of his wine.