Don't Go

030

It was a very early morning when I arrived here at the university. Medyo hassle nga rin ang mag-commute lalo na ngayon na walang tigil ang ulan. At dahil sa napakaaga pa naman nang dumating ako rito ay ako pa lang ang mag-isang tao sa room.

I decided to pull out my airpods and place it on my ears. I am busy computing for the sample problems I got from different sources whilst listening to classical musics when suddenly, I feel that the airpods placed on my right ear was gone.

Tumingin ako sa bandang kanan ko at doon ko nakita si Kit na seryosong nakatingin sa akin. I must admit, I miss him so much. If only all of these didn't happen, we may be inseparable until now. Siguro ito talaga ang ginusto ng tadhana para sa amin — for us to grow apart.

"Ah... bakit?" I asked in a small voice, even I can't stand looking at him.

Gustong-gusto ko na siyang yakapin nang mahigpit pero alam kong imposible na. Many things had change and it includes us. It is saddening but all I can do is just to accept.

"Totoo ba na nililigawan ka ni Yves?" seryosong tanong niya without breaking his gaze on me.

What the hell!

How did he knows about that? May nakarinig ba sa pag-uusap namin?

Ang bilis talagang lumaganap ng balita.

"Nagsabi siya but I think papatigilin ko rin naman lalo pa na bumabalik na kami sa dati. I don't want to lose a friend again." Hindi ko makatinging wika sa kanya habang ang last sentence ay nagmistulang parang bulong na lamang.

"Well... you can't control someone else's feelings, Ven. Kahit sa sarili mismo ay mahirap din. Even how much you try to bury your feelings, sometimes... it only grows more."

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kanya.

He smiles a bit to me. "Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nararamdaman mo para sa kanya, but if you share the same feelings as him, you can try taking risks. I promise you, it'll be worth it."

Napayuko ako. "Pero kaibigan ko siya," usal ko sa mahinang paraan.

"Hindi lahat ng plano natin sa buhay ay nasusunod. Try spreading your wings then fly. Living a life of rejections is more worthwhile than living in regrets." That's the last thing he said before he sat on his chair and started studying also.

Ibinaba ko ang tingin sa mga papel na nasa armchair ko.

Ano nga ba talaga ang nararamdaman ko?

Do I like Lay as a friend? Or maybe, more than that?

Right now, I am not sure.

I stole a glance at Kit and I saw him pressing his fingers on the calculator seriously.

I don't deserve such man like him. Kung pwede ko lang pawiin ang sakit na nararamdaman niya ngayon. Pero hindi na maaring ako ang gumawa no'n. I made a decision and that is to let him go even though he was never mine to begin with.

Kit is the one who is always there for me, in times of my success and downfall. Kahit kailan ay hindi niya ako iniwan. Ako pa ang nang-iwan sa kanya. Yet, I never heard him blame me for that. Ganyan siyang klase ng tao, he's never selfish. Lagi niyang iniisip kung saan ako magiging masaya. Lagi niyang iginagalang ang desisyon ko.

Napatingin naman ako sa lalakeng kadarating lang at umupo sa tabi ko. I'm glad we're back to being friends pero natatakot din ako sa pwedeng mangyari. Ayokong mawala ulit siya. Ayokong masira na naman ang pagkakaibigan namin. Hindi ko pa man siya lubos na nakikilala pero sigurado akong mabuti pa rin naman siyang tao. He's the one at my side on my weakest point. Sana lang talaga ay wala nang magbago sa aming dalawa.