Taming the Street Racer ✔️

08 | forgotten wounds

I'm jolted back to reality when Grayson jerks the car to the right, evading the police car's hot pursuit. We speed down a dark dirt road and I hear the sirens growing fainter and fainter behind us.

Grayson is grinning ear to ear, watching the cop cars speed along the main road behind us, completely unaware of Grayson's Audi making its way further into the darkness. I want to smack that satisfied grin off Grayson's face and it takes everything in me to hold myself back.

"Do you have a charger in here?" I snap, yanking my dead phone out of my back pocket and avoiding eye contact with him. He looks at me for a split second, his face unreadable. My face, on the other hand, conveys every ounce of my annoyance with him.

I don't want to be in this stupid car with him and I sure as hell don't want him feeling like my hero. I don't need him.

"Uh, yeah. Glove compartment," he says, gesturing to the glove compartment as if I was too stupid to know where it is. I ruffle through it, snorting when I find packs of condoms hidden in the bottom. Of course.

I silently plug the cord into the car and hook my phone up, waiting for the black screen to start back up. The air is thick now, filled heavily with tension. After a few seconds, my phone wakes up and I quickly enter my passcode, desperate to see if Violet and Peyton have answered me.

Before I can even tap my message icon, Grayson's speakers start blasting Apologize by One Republic, the first song on my iTunes list. A song that I downloaded in middle school. Aggravated by Grayson's fucked-up AUX, I tap the pause button repeatedly to no avail. The stupid song keeps playing and I want to scream.

I hear a chuckle next to me and whip my head around to see Grayson smiling, clearly amused by the situation. "You have a pretty sophisticated taste in music, River. Never heard this before... is this some new Indie band or something?"

His attempt at lightening the mood only irritates me further. I ignore him and concentrate on the song, ignoring the irony of the lyrics. He looks at me again, realizing that I'm not going to play along with his games anymore.

He turns the volume down, resting his head back on the seat and sighing lowly. "River, I didn't m--"

"Just...please. Please just take me home. I want to forget everything about tonight. You can't justify what you did to me back there and I don't want to hear you even try," I snap, knowing that hearing him apologize will only bring back the memories of him yelling those things at me. I blink fast, holding back the tears that I know will come.

He's silent again. I don't feel bad for telling the truth.

"I know that--"

"Just shut up, Grayson! You don't fucking care about me, you made that crystal clear back there in front of all your little followers. You feel bad for me. I'm pathetic. I'm embarrassing you, the way I throw myself at you. I'm a dirty, stupid bitch who has no self-respect and is only good for a single fuck. Did I get it all?" I stop to look at him. He has his gaze low on the road, not able to make eye contact with me while I reiterate the hurtful things he said to me. Just as I thought.

"So just let me do what you said and get the fuck out of your life. You were right, I know nothing about you. And I'm done trying." As I finish, I press myself back into the seat and close my eyes to hide the tears that come anyway. To fill the deafening silence, I turn the volume all the way back up.

The lyrics don't do anything to help the emotionally-fragile state I'm in.

It's too late to apologize, it's too late.

"I never meant to hurt you." His voice is so quiet that I barely hear it over the song ending. I can't dwell on the lowness of his voice that resonates through my chest and other parts of my body. I can't stand him doing this to me.