Taming the Street Racer ✔️

63 | in this together

Gray's face crumbles, and I feel my heart shatter all over again. I stare up at him, at his sharp features now twisted with pain. I've never wanted to be the cause of his suffering, yet here I am.

Tearing his heart from his chest. The heart that I swore I'd never betray. His eyes flash with hurt, and he finally speaks. "You're breaking up with me?"

The vulnerable woundedness of his voice kills me. I shake my head and drop my face back into my hands. "No, no," I sob. "I . . . I--."

Then Gray's holding me in his arms again, resting my head on his shoulder. My tears drip onto his chest, and I realize we're both still naked. That makes this moment all the more disheartening, knowing how close we are--how much we love each other. Through his pain, Gray softens his voice as he tries to soothe me. "Hey, it's okay, Riv. Baby, don't cry."

He still thinks I'm breaking up with him, breaking his heart, yet his first priority is to calm me down. I hate myself for doing this to him, for leaving him. But I have to.

I lift my head and force myself to look at him. "I'm not breaking up with you, Gray," I muster out, hiccuping every few seconds. "I'm going to Florida."

He blinks, shock washing over his face. "What?"

Emotion runs down my face, and goosebumps dot my arms. The warm moment we just shared--wrapped in each other and suspended in utter bliss and love together--is gone. Now, every part of me feels cold. Gray leans over and grabs his shirt. With loving movements, he puts the shirt on me. The sobs well up inside me again.

"I got a full scholarship to a college in Florida," I say quietly, choking back tears. "I have to go, Gray."

His face morphs. "Why? You've been talking about UNC non-stop since the moment you told me you got in. Riv, it's your dream."

I know. "That's all it is, Gray. It's a dream. I can't pay for it on my own, and no one is going to give grants to a girl whose dad makes six figures."

He places his hand on my neck, and I let myself lean into him, letting him trace my jaw with his thumb. "Let me pay for it, Riv. You know I can."

I knew those words were coming, but I was hoping that they never would. It makes this so much more difficult. I rush off the bed, cradling my face in my hands again. "Gray, no. I can't let you do that for me."

Gray stands up and pulls on his underwear. His face is a mess, and I can't look at him knowing that I'm the reason for his suffering. "Why not? Come on, don't act like I'd be doing this just for you. You know it'd kill me to watch you walk away from everything you have. From me."

My legs pace me back and forth, and I feel like I'm collapsing in on myself. "I can't--I can't let you do that," I struggle out. "I can't be her."

Gray pulls his hands through his hair, never taking his eyes off me. "What are you talking about? You can't be who?"

"I can't be her!" I yell, wrapping my arms around my waist and curling in on myself. The sobs break through me, muffles my words. I'm a mess of stutters and tears. "I can't be my mother. Who she thinks I am. No. I won't. I'll never be."

Confusion swims in his eyes, but he approaches me. "Why in the world would you think that? You're nothing like that woman."

I step away from him, from his outstretched hands. This hurts him even more, I can tell. But I have to do this. "Look at me, Gray. She yells at me about how weak I am. She tells me how dependent I am on others--on you. And then what's the first thing I do? I run straight into your arms, begging you to solve all my problems. I proved her point by coming here."