Taming the Street Racer ✔️

64 | hold onto me

My car can't carry me away fast enough. The streetlamps lining the streets are only blurs of light across my vision, distorted by the wells of tears in my eyes. My chest thrums painfully with floods of sadness. Pressure fills my head, stuffed full with spiraling, intrusive thoughts.

I have to get away. I have to get away. I have to get away.

I press my foot as far down as it will go. The world speeds past me until I can hardly see the road in front of me. Even then, I just keep driving. Clutching the steering wheel, I fly through the night, away from everything I've ever known.

Away from Gray.

Just like that, it hits me all over again. My world is deteriorating around me, crushing me under its weight, and I left the one person who was there to hold me together. The man who gave his all to love me in the midst of my unbearable pain.

I just left him there. I left him. I left him.

Gray's name echoes in my mind, and every part of me aches.

He was always afraid of ruining me with his demons and his past. Now, look at us. Who would have ever guessed that I'd be the one running from him out of pure fear, breaking both our hearts in the process?

A scream tears out of my throat and I pound on the steering wheel, sobbing loudly. I just keep screaming at the top of my lungs. I scream even as my throat burns painfully, filling my car with my own sounds of pure agony. I deserve this pain, this fire building in my body, consuming me from the inside out.

The screaming does nothing to ease the anguish I feel in my heart. I cry even harder, and my shoulders heave with the massive sobs.

"Why?" I cry to myself, pressing my hand over my mouth in sorrow. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

With a shaky hand, I grab my phone from the passenger seat. I dial Dr. Bahkta and try to steady my cries as my phone rings.

I yell in anger when it goes to voicemail. I slam it against my dashboard and hardly flinch when I hear the screen crack.

I pick it back up and realize it's still working. Fighting against the debilitating pain in my head, I try to type a text message to Dr. Bahkta.

I know it's late but are you free to ta

I don't get to finish the text. Something brown blurs across the windshield, and I look up just in time to see a deer crossing right in front of me. I slam on my brakes hard.

The seatbelt cuts across my chest, and I feel it digging painfully into my skin. My neck whips forward as the car comes to a sudden stop, and I cry out. I hear something fly from the passenger seat onto the floorboards.

My car stops inches from the animal.

It just stares at me, stopping in its tracks for a mere second before continuing on its merry way.

Adrenaline pumps through my veins, but I'm already numb. So I just start laughing. I laugh with all my body, falling forward onto the steering wheel. The sounds come from the depths of my chest, bubbling out of me in a terrifying manner. I laugh loudly, painfully.