Taming the Street Racer ✔️

49 | growing up

I call Peyton's therapist the next morning and schedule an appointment. According to Peyton, Dr. Bahkta is one of the most renowned psychologists in the state. Pey actually has to ask her parents to pull a few strings to get me a spot in her busy schedule. I let Pey know how much this means to me.

What happened at the fair can't happen again. I need help.

Three days after my first session with Dr. Bahkta, Violet invites me and Pey over to her house to get ready for graduation. If it were a week ago, I would have made up an excuse not to go and just gotten ready alone. But it's today, a clean slate, and I tell Violet I'll be there.

"So do you feel better?" Violet asks cheerily, curling my hair into soft ringlets. Peyton's painting her nails on the floor next to me.

"Vi, therapy doesn't work that quick. You don't just go once and come out a different person," Pey remarks.

"Honestly, I do feel a bit better. Well, not better. Just...lighter," I say. "Since it was the first session, she kind of just asked me questions about myself and let me talk. I talked that woman's ear off. It really helped get a lot off my chest."

"That's great, Riv," Peyton says. "Which color?" She holds up two bottles of nail polish. Carolina Blue and Eggshell White. Vi and I both point at Carolina Blue.

"So you just told her everything?" Vi clarifies.

"Yup. Well, she did give me one piece of advice," I respond. "She said that I seem to suppress my emotions, especially about Gray. She said that I should let myself experience those feelings. That will allow me to eventually get over them and move on."

"True shit," Pey says, covering her toenails in blue. The room starts to smell like nail polish, and I sneeze.

I continue. "I've decided to stop avoiding the thought of him. I think I need to accept the feelings I'll always have for him and try my best to move on with them."

Violet stops curling my hair for a second, making eye contact with me through the mirror. "Do you still love him."

I answer honestly. "Yes." I can't lie to myself. "I still feel like it all happened just yesterday. I can't...I can't shake him."

Vi smooths out my curls, forming beautiful waves that frame my face perfectly. The girl I see in the mirror looks sad, still nursing a broken heart, but she looks strong. Like she can get through anything, even this.

This is the girl that existed long before Gray came along. And she'll exist even when he's gone.

"It's beautiful," I say to Vi, putting my hand over hers in thanks. "Now let me do your makeup."

We switch positions so Vi's sitting in the chair. "Guess what?" Vi says.

"What?"

"I got my financial aid package from Duke yesterday. I accepted the offer," she says, smiling as I apply toner to her fair skin. "I'm going to Duke!"

"Holy shit, Vi. I'm so proud of you," Pey exclaims.

"You deserve it. We know how hard you worked for this," I tell her. "Duke better get ready. They don't know what's coming."

We laugh. Pey says, "Well, I know you've both been wondering. But I think it's finally time to tell you that I've decided to play soccer for University of North Carolina at Chap--"

"Shut up, Pey. As if you haven't been committed for a year," Vi scoffs playfully. Since she got recruited last year by UNC at Chapel Hill, Pey has never ceased to remind us that she's committed to that school. I bet our entire high school knows at this point.