Accidentally Bent (Boyxboy) ✔

Chapter 23: Thomas

A/N: 07.07.20

Just finished my one month exams and now I'm free 😍 goodbye essays and hello summer!🌻

Do you guys have any plans for this summer vacation?

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*Thomas's pov*

After work, I didn’t go back home. Instead, I decided to take a walk. I didn’t know where I was going, where I was heading, or where I’d stop. I simply walked. 

Clueless, mindless, listless, full of thoughts, I kept going. The sun was slowly going down, but I kept walking. There was too much on my kind.

Could I really be gay? No, I like girls too, a couple of them have caught my eye before but Eli… He's a guy! Could I be bisexual? Pansexual? How many sexualities are there?

Why did I like someone who didn't like me back? I apologized for kissing him only to kiss him again. Would I be able to control myself the next time? I didn't want our "friendship" or whatever we were to end. I've already lost enough people in my life, I didn't want to lose another. 

What was it about him that I liked anyway? His bratty attitude? The dramatic eye roll he always did? His contemptuous gaze? Or was it because despite being born in a high class environment and always telling me how disgusted he was, he still made an effort for me? He returned the quarter that I lost. Even if I lost it because of him, he still could have given me nothing at all.

Then he came to my shabby neighborhood even though he was scared silly. He was always telling me how disgusting and dirty I was but he never told me to leave or stopped talking to me because of it. He threw insults at me but they felt more like his strange way of teasing me. 

Maybe it was his soft gold hair that caught my eye, his baby blue eyes that turned into a million shades of indigo under the sunlight, his bright pink lips that jutted out whenever he was upset or his flawless pale skin that looked like silk. 

Or maybe it was because despite our differences, despite acting like we were okay, despite putting on a smile for the people around us, we both shared one major thing in common: we were lonely. 

I've always tried to convince myself that I was happy. Happy in my shabby neighborhood, happy in my rundown house, happy without my parents, happy with what I had, I was happy.

But how could I not be jealous of the kids whose parents always came to pick them up in elementary school? Or the ones with the parents who brought the best snacks during soccer practice? How could I not be envious of the kids who didn't have to quit boxing because they had money? The ones with parents who did everything for them? All they had to do was be normal kids and lay back while everything else was done for them. I had to do everything for myself, I had to grow up before getting the chance to be a kid. 

There have been multiple times in which I wanted something but couldn't have it. So why was Eli different? It wasn't the first time I didn't get what I wanted, so why was I so upset? Why did I want to be selfish with him? He was happy with Steven, more or less. He should be with a rich guy who can buy him all the clothes he wanted, not some filthy rat who fought with his sister over a rusty bent spoon.

I continued to walk down the city, my shoulders feeling heavier each step I took. There were so many people around me, the city was full of life, people were hustling and bustling, stores were decorated with bright lights, everything was vivid and lively. And yet, I felt so lonely, like a small speck among a crowd.