Through the Light and Dark (Saudade Series #1)

Kabanata 17

Kabanata 17

Sol

"You are spacing out, Jaryllca. Are you listening?"

He was massaging the bridge of his nose when I looked at him. He seems stressed. Kanina pa yata siya nagsasalita.

Hindi ako umimik at sa halip ay nanatili lang ang aking mga mata sa kaniyang balikat. I couldn't look at his eyes this time.

He snaked his arm around my waist. "I am sorry for the words... Tara na, balik na tayo sa loob," he softly whispered.

"Hindi na ako susunod, mauna ka na." 

I had to stop myself from stuttering. He noticed how distant I was these past few weeks. He knows me well. And I bet that he knows that something was bothering my mind.

He held my wrist when I turned my back from him. At dahil sa kaniyang ginawa, nagbunga iyon ng inis sa aking loob.

"Ano ba? Let go of my hand!" my voice thundered.

Nagsimula nang dumilim ang kalangitan. Masyadong nakikiayon ang panahon sa aking nararamdaman. Ang ulan sa gitna ng mainit na araw ay kaagad na dumapo sa aming mga balat. Kinailangan ko pang ilagay ang aking palad sa ibabaw ng aking noo dahil umaambon na. Hindi pa naman iyon ganoon kalakas pero nararamdaman kong magiging malakas ang ulan.

"Baby, tell me what happened so I can fix it..." His eyes were too soft and I couldn't stare at them for too long because if I did, my heart will just be soft.

"Wala nang dapat ayusin dahil wala namang nasira." I swallowed the lump on my throat and heavily sighed before eyeing him. "V-Von, this won't work anymore..."

Those words had inpact in him. Bakas ang pagtataka at gulat sa kaniyang mga mata. Sinubukan niyang iangat ang nangangatal niyang kamay upang hawakan ang aking pisngi pero sa huli ay bumagsak lang iyon dahil sa panghihina.

I bit my lower lip but this time, my sobs weren't caged anymore. Hindi ko na kaya pang itago.

He then shook his head and immediately pulled my body closer to him. "Shh, don't cry, please..." he whispered through his soft sobs.

His words added fuel to the fire. My breathing hitched. I pointed my finger at him. "I don't need your comfort, Von! I want us to break up! Mahirap bang intindihin 'yon?"

Ipinagpasalamat ko ang maulang klima sa mainit na panahon. Kung wala ito, baka nakikita niya na kung gaano karaming luha na ang pumapatak sa sahig. Kung ano ang tunay kong nararamdaman—na taliwas ang gusto kong sabihin sa lumalabas sa aking bibig.

I feel betrayed. Iniisip ko na alam niya ang nangyayari kay Mommy at Tito Jalen niya but he just chose to shut his mouth. Ngunit taliwas ang gusto kong paniwalaan. That's impossible, he won't ever do that.

They made me feel dumb earlier.

Lahat ng sinasabi ko ay hindi ko ibig sabihin. He's my yellow and I couldn't afford to lose him, but this was the only way I could see... to break my connections with him—with the Ledreses. My mom being a mistress brought so much disgrace to me, and much more to the Maristellas.

Pagod at ubos niya akong tiningnan sa aking mga mata. "Wow..." hindi makapaniwalang bulong niya sa kaniyang sarili. "Kung hingin mo ang bagay na 'yon, parang ang dali-dali lang sa 'yo na sabihin—na gawin!" He sarcastically laughed and snorted.

Hindi ako makapagsalita at dinama lang kung gaano kasakit ang mga salitang nanggagaling sa kaniya. Tanging hangin at hikbi lang ang lumalabas sa aking bibig sa tuwing sinusubukan kong magsalita.

"How could you say those words, Jaryllca? Ano ba ako sa 'yo?"

Mariin akong napapikit upang damhin ang bawat salitang ibinabagsak niya.