Empty Addiction ~ DaiSuga

Chapter 7

Sugawara opened his eyes, sighing. Daichi looked down and smiled warmly. "Morning sleepy head."

"Hm?"

"You fell asleep again."

Sugawara sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. "Mmm… what time is it?"

"Around three thirty." Daichi rubbed Sugawara's hair gently. "You feel alright?"

"Yeah."

"Good." Daichi rubbed Sugawara's back, making him hum softly. "Do you always fall asleep in the middle of the day?"

"Sometimes. I like taking naps." Sugawara got up and stretched. "Did Gin bother you?"

"Not really. He just kind of glared at you, said some sort of insult, and walked out. You are kind of right about him not being kind." Daichi answered. He stood and followed Sugawara to the kitchen and sat down with him on the floor, a container of crackers between them. Sugawara rubbed his eyes again and sighed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. It's just my eyes…" He reached behind him, under the sink, and got out a first aid kit. "They feel really dry."

"Now that you say it, your eyes look a little red."

"Oh how great." Sugawara leaned his head back and squeezed eye drops into his eyes carefully. He set the bottle down and blinked. Sugawara wiped under his eyes and looked back up. "Give it a second."

"Mm."

"So you want to toss a ball around?"

"Sure." Daichi smiled and ruffled Sugawara's hair again. Both of them laughed and continued to eat. Sugawara showed no hesitance while eating, no signs of wanting to get up, no discomfort. He seemed okay.

After eating and tossing around a ball, Daichi had to head home for dinner, promising to call or text before he went to bed. Sugawara had bid him a goodbye, smiling and laughing. As soon as Daichi was gone Sugawara's smile dropped.

Gin was still here.

In front of him at that.

"Hey."

"You said he wasn't your boyfriend."

"I don't lie either. He's not. Not yet at least." Sugawara yawned. "Why are you so concerned though?"

"Because while I'm here I don't need you to be kissing on some weird guy. It's disgusting."

"Don't look then." Sugawara stepped towards the hallway, heading to his room. Gin stepped in front of him, frowning. "What?"

"I'm serious."

"Or what?"

"I'll make sure it's more than fat you're losing."

Sugawara's blood ran cold. Would someone do that just because of a relationship? Strange, really. His own family, his own blood would turn on him because of his love for another person. Pathetic. Sugawara glared at him. "You so much as touch him and you'll be in the same place as your mother."

"OBA! KOUSHI IS THREATENING ME!"

Sugawara's mother hurried to the living room, frowning. "Koushi, why are you threatening your cousin?"

"He just threatened to hurt me or Daichi."

"He said that I'm going to be in the same place as my mom if I touch him when I was just joking." Gin said quickly.

Sugawara glared at him. "You threatened me and Daichi both. You literally said that I'll lose more than 'fat'. That's pretty dang threatening."

Sugawara's mother sighed. "Alright. Quit. Gin, you know not to say things like that. Koushi, think before you speak."

"I did." Sugawara mumbled, stepping into his room.

An hour later everyone was seated at the dinner table and Sugawara had to take his medication. Now everyone thought he was doing it and he seemed to be taking the medication.

And today he was wearing Daichi's sweater. Which gave him another advantage.

Sugawara's mother handed him the pill and he placed it in his mouth. He put some water in his mouth and gulped. A moment later he coughed, holding a covered hand over his mouth. He pushed his tongue forward, flicking the pill into the sleeve.

"No fighting during dinner boy's, got it?"

"Yes ma'am." Both mumbled.

Sugawara ate slowly and took slightly smaller bites than the other two. The whole time, his hand fiddled with the pill under the table.

****

"Whew…" Sugawara dropped the pill he'd been holding into the toilet and bent down. He shoved his fingers into his throat as normal, emptying his dinner into the toilet bowl. Eat, empty, repeat. That's what the website had said to do. And if you did eat it had to be small. Of course he couldn't do that but it was still working.

Sugawara flushed the toilet, brushed his teeth, and stepped onto the scale. Ninety eight pounds. He'd finally gone under three numbers.

Sugawara reached under his sink and grabbed the container of white powder. No, not something that was harmful to your body. The laxatives. He emptied some of the powder into a cup and turned the sink on, filling it. He grabbed his toothbrush, as to not having a spoon, and stirred it up.

He sat on the floor and sipped at it. Someone tapped his bed room door and he put the cup down behind the toilet. He got up and opened his bed room door to see Gin standing there, arms crossed. "Hey."

"You're a fucking idiot."

"Um." Sugawara started fiddling with his hands. "What?"

"You didn't take your pill."

Sugawara's eyes widened. He laughed nervously. "Yeah, I did."

"No, you didn't. You spit it out in your sleeve." Gin chuckled lowly. Sugawara froze, terrified. "Ah so we're lying now. Well, you bring that kid around here again and I'm telling your mom."

Sugawara nodded. He closed his door, heart racing. There was no way he was letting that happen. It'd only been two weeks of him not taking his medication. He would be fine.

The next few nights at dinner he didn't spit out the pill or fake taking it. He did take it and he would eat. But of course, there were downsides.

When he'd empty his stomach after dinner or while he was at school doing so in a vacant bathroom, things would hurt. He'd get so unbearably hungry that he'd cry and his head would pound.

Why didn't this feel good anymore? Why did it hurt?

Then he'd remember what he'd been told when he was younger during preschool. A bible study class strangely enough. He wasn't religious in the least anymore but he could remember it.

He'd asked why Jesus had to die to save the souls of millions of people. And the teacher had said something that had stuck. "Things get worse before they get better, that's why Jesus had to die."

Sugawara cut off the second part from his memory and repeated the phrase over and over again. "Things get worse before they get better." He would hurt before he'd get skinny. He was okay. This pain was temporary.

He was okay. He was okay. He was okay. He hurt.

Sugawara held his pillow closer to his waist, his head buried in his other pillow. He was sobbing, his thinning body shaking. It hurt so, so bad. His stomach was twisting in pain, begging for anything to fill it. Sugawara kept crying though, ignoring the plea as best as he could. The crying only further made his head pound. It hurt so bad.

I AM NOT SAYING CHURCH IS BAD

PLEASE DON'T KILL ME