just ash

chapter 27

"Saranghae."

Ash's hand froze in Namjoon's hair.

She was far from fluent, but she definitely remembered that tidbit of vocab.

It took a beat for Namjoon to notice Ash's hand had halted. When he did, his body tensed, too. He yanked himself up, pulling back so he could look down at Ash with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open. He looked absolutely flabbergasted, like that was the last thing he had expected to fly from his mouth.

"I didn't mean to say that!" Namjoon gasped.

His words felt like a sucker punch straight to the gut.

"Oh..."

Ash still couldn't muster enough brain power to say actual words. But Namjoon must have been able to see the pain in Ash's eyes, to hear the hurt in her voice.

"I mean – fuck, I meant it, but – please don't freak out, Ash" he stuttered.

Love?

...love.

LOVE?!

Ash was freaking out.

"I'm not freaking out," Ash squeaked. Namjoon raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "I just – I need to go."

"What? Go where?"

Panic laced Namjoon's words, but Ash couldn't think with him looking at her like that, with him still inside of her like that, with him pressed against her and on top of her like that.

"T-to shower. I need to go shower. Can I – "

"Oh. Yeah, yes," Namjoon mumbled.

In two seconds flat, he was off her, pulling out and rolling over so Ash could slide off the bed and onto legs that weren't working correctly. It was like they had completely forgotten how to walk, only having to worry about being spread for the past twelve hours.

After shuffling a few feet toward the bedroom door, Ash looked back at Namjoon. He lay on his side facing Ash, the bottom half of him still concealed by the mess of sheets on her bed. His eyes were wide, and his lips pouted out. One of his arms propped him up and the other's hand ran chaotically through his hair, like it was replacing Ash's until hers could return.

Ash had never seen him look so small.

"I'll be right back, Joon," she said softly. "I just need some space to think for a second, okay?"

Namjoon nodded. His eyes stayed on Ash's even though she stood there in front of him without a stitch of clothing, her entire body bared before him. He looked at her and replied in a voice just as small as he appeared.

"Okay."

Ash padded to the bathroom, closed the door slowly, and let the knob click. After staring at it for about a minute, counting her breaths all the while, she turned to the mirror and took a good look at herself. When she did, she couldn't help but snort out a laugh.

She looked thoroughly fucked.

If Namjoon's hair was a mess, then hers was an absolute disaster. The tanned skin of her chest, neck, and cheeks were rosy pink, and her lips were so swollen they looked like she had on several layers of that devilish plumping lip gloss so many girls wore. Her eyes were bright despite having just woken up, and the rest of her was radiant. Ash looked and felt sexy, desired.

But more than that, Ash looked and felt loved.

Because – holy shit.

Kim Namjoon is in love with me.