just ash

epilogue

- August 2020 -

Airplanes are cesspools.

Why am I doing this to myself?

Ash shuffled down the aisle until she reached her row, triple checking her ticket to confirm her fate.

Yep.  Row 17.  Fucking fantastic.

An older woman sat in the aisle seat, eyeing Ash wearily as she sauntered up.  Ash adjusted her mask over her nose, nodding into a small, timid bow toward the woman.

"Sillyehamnida," Ash murmured, her voice light and polite.  She continued in Korean, "I have the window seat."

"Ne, ne," the woman uttered, her voice a bit frantic. 

The woman clamored up and stepped aside, allowing Ash to slide into the row to her seat.  After pulling out a sanitizing wipe to scrub the entirety of it, Ash plopped down with a huff.  Once she was seated, the woman returned to her spot, eyeing the small distance between them.

Ash knew the airline kept all the middle seats open in some attempt to maintain social distancing.  She was grateful for it, but it wasn't nearly enough.

She closed her eyes and took a deep, slow breath.

Okay.  This is happening.

Ash looked out the tiny window to her left, at the shadow of mountains she could still see on the far east horizon, even from the coast of Incheon.  They were mountains she had carelessly glanced at for an entire year, taking advantage of their splendor, their beauty.

A pang of anxiety had Ash's chest tightening, and she again sucked in steadying breaths that didn't work at all.  Leaning back to rest her head on the padded seat behind her, Ash closed her eyes again and reminisced about where she had been less than twenty-four hours prior...

–

"I think we should leave one.  Like – just one drawing, so that whoever moves in next knows that Jimin's spirit remains here forever."

Susie raised an eyebrow and shot Ash a look.

"I think not.  I worked hard on these, I don't need some middle-aged man crumpling my heart and soul and throwing it away.  This face is sacred, Ash!"

Susie held up a colorful rendition of Jimin as she spoke, shaking the piece at Ash like it would help her understand.

"Okay, okay, I take it back," Ash mumbled, carefully taking down another paper from the increasingly bare bedroom wall before placing it into the folder Susie was using to protect her art.  "I can't believe how many there are.  Isn't it weird having a hundred Jimins watch you do the nasty?"

Susie shrugged nonchalantly. 

"Minji doesn't mind," Susie replied.  Ash stuck a finger in her mouth and pretended to gag.  Susie rolled her eyes.  "You're a child."

"At least I don't look like one," Ash shot back.

Susie tried to hide her smile.

"I hate you."

"Mhm, sure."

The roommates continued packing up until all that was left was the stripped bed and a closed box.  When they were finished, they stood there in the middle of the room with their hands on their hips and just kind of – stared at each other. 

This was it.

Ash swallowed around the lump in her throat and watched Susie struggle with her emotions, too.  Her roommate's hair was a deep, muted purple now, but still cut into a blunt bob at her chin.  She had styled it so it lay flat and shiny, pairing well with the formal, cream-colored cocktail dress she wore.  She looked good, even as she wordlessly choked up.  Susie's wide eyes shone, and her little mouth wobbled as she stepped forward to hoist up her last box of belongings.