𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 ☾︎ soonhoon

C H P - 17

"Jihoon," he breathed out.

----

The shorter male did nothing but half smile at him. He said nothing, moved nothing, just stood there, as there was no need for him to do anything else. The way he looked spoke for itself. His eyes were tired and sullen, weighed down by the heavy bags beneath. His lips, too, were chapped and scabbed, probably from days worth of biting. More than anything, however, he looked less confused and more sure--though what he was sure about was a mystery.

None of this did anything to soothe the raging storm inside of the blonde. With just the sight of him, he had been dragged back into the moment where Jihoon had found out about what they used to be. He again saw those eyes, full of betrayal, and all at once, he was desperate; but he needed to remember that being desperate was going to get him nowhere. He had to control his emotions, needed to wrap his fist around them and strangle them to the point that they no longer breathed. He needed to approach this situation with a calm, logical mind, so he could make sure that when Jihoon left him for good, he would be able to let him go. "W-what are you doing here?" he asked shakily, trying to control his words but failing.

The other's gaze flitted down to the cracked cement below. "I... have something to give you." His lungs inflated as he took in a deep breath and pulled out a bouquet of gardenias from behind his back. They weren't steady in the air, but then again, neither were his hands. "I tried to pick the ones with the best meaning, I mean... most correct meaning possible. I thought you would understand. So, uhm..." It was only then that he nervously shuffled forward, so much so that the two of them only stood a few inches apart. "Here."

He grasped the other's warm palm in his own and set the bundle of stems in Soonyoung's hand.

The blonde's lips pulled down at the corners. "Pure love, secret love, 'you're lovely'..." he recited under his breath, his gaze glued to the blossoming white buds. He wanted--yearned--to believe that all of this was true, that the male thought he was lovely, that he wanted to be with him forever. After all, Jihoon loving him again was all he wished for, but he knew as well as everyone else did that his wish was just a wish. It would never be anything more than that.

"Jihoon, I... I don't think those feelings were what you meant to convey." With that, his heart lurched and his knees locked. There was something there, building up inside of him, and it hurt like hell. In fact, he couldn't believe he had thought that the pain from earlier was unbearable, because this was pain: burning, excruciating pain. His fingers subconsciously tightened around the stems. Control your emotions, control them... "I can't accept these," he forced out. "I'm sorry... Please, take them."

But then...

His head had never shot up faster. His dark, dead eyes were wide now, surging with confusion. He wanted to say something, anything, but he was frozen. His lips would not move. 

The other had really pushed the bouquet back to him.

"You don't understand," Jihoon said loudly, clearly. He knew what he was saying, and he would not allow the other to misunderstand. "You see, these past few weeks have been kind of horrible for me. 'It's okay to forget me'... Those words haven't stopped circling around my mind since then. And I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. Just..." His words suddenly died on his tongue, adding to the collection of things he wanted to say but didn't. "I mean, what I want to say is... well..." Okay, maybe he didn't know what he was saying. At this point, with how quickly and nervously his heart was pounding, he would have to hope that the feelings spoke for themselves. "Actually, can we talk inside?"