student of the year; taekook

22: christmas break

december 20, 2019

it's 20 degrees outside in seoul and jungkook feels just as empty as it is outside. snow blankets outside, thick layers, they do nothing to ease him or give him any substance. there are just plain visuals, no stimulation, literally nothing. 

taehyung hasn't spoken to him in days, ignores his text messages, filled up his voicemail box with stupid cringy messages asking if everything was alright. he doesn't know what he's done wrong. it's the second time he's been ignored by the older and jungkook prays that one day he'll wake up to find some small, handwritten note that explains everything like he did the first time. 

he gets nothing though, it's seven days of pure torture. 

the house is empty for the most part. his friends are out with their boyfriends, seokjin is visiting his fiance, even haewon is out doing things with her friends, no one is here until very late in the evening. the walls of his bedroom greet him every morning and jungkook studies them to the point in which he's memorized every ridge or paint mark on the surface. 

auntie yoon visits sometimes, makes him food and talks to him about her day, about her family, her voice is soothing but not nearly as soothing as yoongi's. it's a nice distraction from the pressing thoughts of his mind. 

jungkook watches a lot of tv, reads, plays video games, mainly eats though. it's a great outlet to bury his feelings in. 

some days he barely eats and sits at his desk until his head spins from the low blood sugar. sometimes he lays on his bed and thinks about taehyung, about his hands, his lips and his eyes, how much he misses him. his head buries into the sheets, notes of taehyung's sweet perfume still embedded in there. 

most of the time he orders food from outside. trashy, greasy food with loads of cheese and meat, he has all the money in the world to spend. jungkook checks his abs at the end of every meal to see if they've stretched out to form a beer belly. it never does but the thought of losing shape scares him, pretty guys like taehyung would probably want him to stay built when he gets back. 

jungkook ends up throwing up most of the food he eats, anxiety can make him rather nauseous. a lot of the time it's his own fingers down his throat that make the vomit rise up because the feeling eating away at him makes him even more nervous. it hurts, his throat burns and it stinks but it's something else. 

all he thinks about is taehyung so maybe doing stupid shit like this is good, brings his attention away from the older. 

today he had a whole pizza and half  a sheet cake, most of it ends up down the pipes by 3 am. 

december 21, 2019.

jungkook checks his mail. he got several packets from american colleges he was accepted into. 

columbia, nyu, university of chicago, brown university, dartmouth university and university of pennsylvania. all of them so graciously accepted jeon jungkook, say that he would be a great addition to their pre-law program. 

later that night, his family returns. seokjin is back from the city to visit his fiance, haewon is done visiting her friends. jungkook shows them all of the schools he's gotten into. 

haneul hugs him for the first time in ten years that night.