Nostalgia || Namkook

3. Symphony

"I love you", Seokjin whispers as he pecks Namjoon's lips. The younger smiles sleepily. "You know I can't say it back", he replies with a sigh. Seokjin smiles. "Yet", he says. Namjoon agrees easily. "Yet", he repeats.

"When are you gonna let me meet Taehyung?", Seokjin asks suddenly. Namjoon rolls out from top of him and settles on lying beside him instead. He exhales shakily.

"When I'm sure about this", he says. Then, "about us", it's said quieter this time. Namjoon knows Seokjin is hurting but he can't just say he loves him when he doesn't.

Not yet.

Seokjin hums. They don't say anything for a few minutes, just lay there in silence, basking in each other's company, letting the warmth hit their naked bodies, hidden inside the blanket.

"What are we, Namjoon?", Seokjin is the first one to break the silence. Namjoon looks at him. Just, stares at the beauty in front of him. He feels forbidden. Like a dream too good to be true.

"I don't know, hyung", he answers honestly. Seokjin nods, smiling for reassurance. Namjoon knows him enough to know he's trying not to cry. He doesn't say anything. He's a coward, not brave enough.

"Hey, its okay", Seokjin says, gently touching his elbow. Namjoon shakes his head, keeping an arm over his eyes, as if that will hide him from reality. "It's not okay. You're hurting", he says, voice breaking with each syllable.

Seokjin scoots closer to him and wraps his arm around his waist, pulling him in so that they're both sideways, pressed together, chest to chest. "Listen to me", he orders.

Namjoon gulps, nodding, looking directly into the older's eyes. "This is my own fault. All of this", Seokjin says. Namjoon opens his mouth to protest but Seokjin kisses his lips shut.

"It's my fault", he repeats. "I was the one who asked you to try and move on from him. I was the one who asked you on a date. You were honest about how you felt. You were very clear, Joonie", he whispers against Namjoon's lips.

The younger makes a pitiful noise. "I'm sorry", he whimpers. "I never thought we will come this far", he says softly. "Neither did I. I didn't think I'd fall for you", Seokjin admits.

"I'm sorry", Namjoon says again. Seokjin shakes his head, pressing a kiss to his nose. "Shh", he hushes. "It's not your fault". They stay in silence, looking into each other's eyes, stealing kisses here and there.

"If you...", Seokjin starts with a shaky voice. "If you never get to the point of loving me", he breathes heavily. Namjoon opens his mouth but closes it back, realizing there's no point in arguing.

"I'll be okay with it", he says quietly. Namjoon bursts into breathy sobs, burying his face in seokjin's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, hyung. I never wanted to hurt you. I...", he gets cut off by his own choked cries.

Seokjin keeps shaking his head, rubbing Namjoon's bare back, letting him know that it isn't his fault. It never was. You can't force yourself to love someone.

"Please don't cry", he requests. Namjoon can't bring himself to stop. All of the stress finally downing on him. He likes Seokjin. He really does. But, is it love? Namjoon isn't sure. Or he is, but is too afraid to acknowledge it.

its not the one that'll make Seokjin happy. Hence, he simply clings onto the older, not caring about being selfish. He wants this, craves this. A second of warmth in his bitter-sweet life.
_______________________________________

"Hey, Taehyung!", Jimin shouts when he sees the boy from yesterday. Taehyung turns his way, frowning a little. Jimin gestures for him to come closer. Taehyung does so albeit with some hesitation.

"Do you need something?", he asks quietly. Jimin smiles a little sheepishly. "I'm sorry for yesterday. I was unseasonably rude to you. I shouldn't have been like that", he apologizes, running his fingers through his hair to distract himself from the awkwardness.

Taehyung seems a little surprised. But when he recovers, a huge smile spreads across his lips. Jimin notices its in the shape of a rectangle. That's unbelievably endearing.

"No problem. Thank you for apologizing", Taehyung says, still grinning. Jimin can't help but smile back, making his reddish cheeks puff out even more. "Friends?", he asks.

Taehyung nods and pulls him in for a hug. "Friends", he agrees. When they pull apart, they're both smiling, cheeks hurting from the stretch. "Which class do you have now?", Taehyung asks.

Jimin pulls out his phone. "I'm free for the next two periods", he answers. Taehyung grins widely. "That's great! I don't have any classes either. Would you like to come watch me play the piano? I have a show next week", he offers.

Jimin's eyes lighten up in excitement. You play the piano? That's so cool! My dad plays many instruments, too", he says happily. Taehyung looks excited to know that. "Oh, is he good?", he asks.

"He plays the guitar well but he's more into singing", Jimin answers. They start walking towards the music room. "I can play the guitar but I'm not that good. I love singing, especially old songs and operas", Taehyung says.

Jimin hums. "We should definitely try singing together sometimes. My best friend is actually in the college dance team", he says. Taehyung nods. You guys are cool. Me and my best friend are gonna play the piano together", he says.

"You're both gonna play the same piano?", Jimin asks incredulously. Taehyung laughs. "No, silly. Were having a joint showcase. We'll play different pianos but together. Were practicing hard", he explains.

"Oh, I'm sure you are. I do contemporary so I'm not in the college team but I do have my own solo shows", Jimin says. Taehyung nods, opening the music room with the key he got from their Music teacher.

"So, you and your friend don't dance together?", he asks, opening the grand piano in the middle of the room. "We do. its only sometimes, though", Jimin answers. He takes a seat on the bench, beside taehyung and keeps his bag on the floor.

"Shall I?", Taehyung asks, fingers hovering over the black and white tiles. Jimin smiles with encouragement.

Thus, Taehyung starts playing and Jimin braces himself to get lost in the melody.